An Aberdeen woman has channelled her own experiences into an inspirational children’s book.
Nicola Mcilraith fought through years of bullying and depression, eventually receiving an Asperger’s diagnosis at the age of 22.
The Aberdeen University graduate says she spent all her life feeling like she doesn’t belong. That feeling inspired her children’s book, The Tale Of Tom The Tomato.
The book was published in 2021 by Inverness charity For The Right Reasons.
Incredibly, Nicola has personally written to every teacher in Scotland – and half of England – to tell them about her book.
She hopes it will help readers see that there is a place in the world for all of us, and promote acceptance towards autistic children.
“We’re all human; we all go through the same things,” says Nicola. “There will be other children now who are getting bullied or feel like they don’t belong.
“Hopefully they’ll see that other people feel like that and there’s not something wrong with them. And hopefully it will make other people – teachers and peers – more aware as well.”
Autism meant ‘I withdrew into my own world’
Nicola grew up in Aberdeen and had a difficult start in life, with problems at home and school.
She describes initially trying to fit in at primary school, going from group to group asking children if they wanted to play. However, she struggled as pupils got older and conversation became more important in making friends.
“I stopped speaking at school,” says Nicola. “It was a social experiment really. I didn’t think that anybody cared.”
Nicola experienced bullying in secondary school and it followed her through her psychology degree at Aberdeen University.
“I liked learning and I tried talking but the same thing happened again, so I gave up,” she says.
By this time, Nicola was seeing a psychologist and social workers, but didn’t have any formal diagnosis.
“They thought I had chronic unhappiness and there wasn’t anything really wrong with me,” she says. “It’s because I find it extremely hard to communicate. You can be in agony in your head but have a blank expression on your face.”
Eventually, Nicola was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, part of the autism spectrum.
“It was like a light bulb flicking on,” says Nicola. She admits she had mixed feelings about her diagnosis, though.
Alongside relief, it also made her feel depressed. “I stopped thinking I was capable of things,” she says.
Praying for motivation
As it turns out, Nicola was capable of quite amazing things.
Three years on from her diagnosis, Nicola hit a turning point.
“I was extremely depressed, and I prayed to God and asked him for motivation and purpose,” she says.
The next day, Nicola started writing The Tale Of Tom The Tomato. She posted the story on Facebook, and it did quite well. However, her illustrations needed some work.
“My drawings were quite rubbish at the start, so I practised drawing tomatoes over and over and over again until they were perfect. My dad wondered why I was doing that!”
The book is the tale of a tomato on a quest for acceptance in an apple-dominated world. Nicola explains:
“A tomato is a fruit but it doesn’t really belong anywhere – people don’t see it as a fruit. Apples are fruit as well and the most common type.
“It’s a metaphor. A tomato doesn’t really belong in a fruit bowl so it’s about feeling rejected. And challenging the misperceptions people might have.
“Lots of people think autism is a disorder, something that’s not quite right. I’m trying to challenge that.”
Raising awareness about autism
Nicola worked on the story for six years, eventually finding a publisher in 2021. Since then, she has been busy reaching out to schools.
Actually, very busy:
“I’ve been writing to teachers one by one to tell them about the book,” she explains. “I’ve done all of Scotland and now I’m about half way through England.”
She’s sold a few hundred copies already and plans to keep promoting the book to reach more children who feel lost.
Asked if she’s proud of what she’s achieved, Nicola has an unsettling answer.
“I just feel numb most of the time,” she says.
However, while she struggles to express her feelings, she’s eloquent about what motivates her.
“I wrote five other books in my 20s and I have it in my head that I want to finish those,” she says. “I believe that God gave my books to me and he helped me to write every page. He was there for me when I was at rock bottom.”
For others who find themselves at rock bottom, Nicola’s message is to ask for help. “Talk to someone, and let them know how you’re feeling,” she says. “For the adults, make sure you check in on people.”
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