I’m almost embarrassed at how much I enjoyed Channel 4’s utterly stupid celebrity reality show Scared of the Dark.
Nothing about the show – which challenged eight celebrities to live in pitch darkness for a week – was what you would call nourishing, but my goodness it was fun watching them try not to throttle Chris Eubank.
As he constantly spouted his cod philosophy – some of it in verse – and chastised any fellow contestant who had the temerity to swear, I’m surprised he couldn’t hear the sound of their eyes rolling in the dark.
The entertainment value of the show would have dropped by a good 50% were it not wasn’t for the permanently pontificating former boxer.
The only other person who seemed to be enjoying the Scared of the Dark experience more than me was host Danny Dyer, whose four-letter strewn commentary was almost as amusing as watching a shrieking Scarlett Moffatt walk face-first into a wall.
Scared of the Dark also had a gleeful nasty streak
When the celebrities were handcuffed together for 12 hours, Dyer helpfully clarified the rules: “The only time they get unshackled is if they’re having a p*** or a s***e.”
Although the show purports to be a “social experiment” – they even have a psychologist in the studio to give his ‘insight’ – Scared of the Dark also had a gleeful nasty streak that made things extra amusing.
One of the first challenges saw actress Donna Preston having to escape through four locked doors – all the while being chased in the dark by a seven-foot tall stranger.
When that same task was presented to Love Islander Chloe Burrows, she had a panic attack and had to quit.
Danny Dyer’s response to this was the very un-Ant and Dec-like: “What a f****** show this is.”
And I couldn’t disagree.