A constant conundrum of my life is that of a wee treat in the evening.
That is, something to nibble or savour while watching the telly, or to de-stress with after a hard day on the couch, sorry at the home-working desk.
The main ingredients of this conundrum are drink, sweeties and ice cream.
For a period recently, I tried doing without one, allowing myself the other two in return.
Going off the drink
But, some days, particularly if drink was taken first, I’d have all three. The results could be measured on the scales.
After something that seemed like gout, plus stomach problems, kidney stones, headaches and high blood pressure, I decided to eschew alcohol, which went well for a bit.
Much of it’s just habit, and if you get past the first couple of days, you get used to being abstemious quite easily.
However, having proved you can do it, you then get lax, and next thing you’re back to square one.
Then the gnarly knob came
Still, after a period of falling off the wagon every three days, I’d a straight run of a couple of weeks and, just by coincidence, or so I thought, started feeling arthritic-style pains in my finger joints and some in my toes.
A gnarly knob appeared on my middle digit. What don’t we want in life, readers? Correct: we don’t want gnarly knobs.
It’s worrying, of course. For a living, I type out the thoughts in my heid. And, for pleasure, I play the guitar for at least an hour a day.
When I went online to find guitarists with arthritis, all I found was Keith Richards, aged 102.
Reader, was I cured?
So, one night, fed up about this latest affliction, and it being the end of the working week, I treated myself to a couple of dry martinis and a small vat of wine.
Next morning: sore head, but all pain in my fingers and toes gone.
I thought it just coincidence but Googled it anyway and there it was: reputable scientific studies repeatedly proving that alcohol helps arthritis by acting as an anti-inflammatory.
Furthermore, teetotallers were four times more likely to get the condition in the first place. Interesting!
Now for the sweeties and chocolate
As for sweeties and chocolate, my problem was watching my weight. But I like to snuggle up with myself and watch the telly with something cosy to nibble.
It’s not just sweeties (chocolate and also fruit pastilles, which I find particularly comforting during thrillers). Recently, it’s been Swedish glace with wafers and fresh orange juice: yummy!
I’m guessing the horribly dull takeaway (and, at least where I live, I can’t get these) from all this is … moderation.
You could save the treats for the weekend, but that would mean five miserable evenings.
Perhaps a single malt from the NHS
You could restrict yourself to one glass of wine a night and one square of chocolate. Maybe three, no say four, fruit pastilles.
But I don’t think I can do it. I’m an all or nothing sort of chap.
As for the booze and arthritis (if it is that), of course it didn’t work the second time I tried, so it’s probably poppycock.
Still, I’ll ask my GP to prescribe me a bottle of single malt – a smoky Islay if the NHS runs to that – just in case.
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