It has been well observed – admittedly by no greater expert than your humble correspondent – that we humans get used to anything.
Thus, at the time of going to press, I’ll have been four weeks without central heating or hot water.
That’s how long it takes to get a tradesman here in the isles, and even then it’s going to be a two-hour, 84-mile round trip for the one who is coming.
A bizarre problem
At one point, I was reduced to trying tradesmen on the mainland. One bizarre problem is that, while most heating round here is by LPG (liquid petroleum gas), few tradesmen – and not one in the surrounding district – are certified to work with it.
And the reason for that, I was told by one, is that they have to go away on a training course, during which they aren’t earning and presumably have to pay for accommodation.
The galling thing, according to them, is that only one part of the course is about LPG, the rest is about gas with which they don’t work (there’s no actual piped “gas” on the island).
They’ve asked to attend shorter courses based just on LPG but have, apparently, been given short shrift. I don’t know how much of this is true, but it sounds typical of Loopy Britain.
You get used to it
In the meantime, I’ve been washing myself at the sink, like a bairn in a tenement from years gone by. You kinda get used to it.
But, every time, I’m still on auto-pilot for the shower and ready to step under it before remembering I’m going to have to boil a kettle to put in the wee bathroom sink. Into this I then bung my heid, pouring water over it with a flower vase.
Fair to say, adding yet another string to my bow as far as making a mess is concerned, the floor is absolutely swimming by the time I’m done.
In the big scheme of things, it’s really no great hardship. But the indignity of it for a man in my position is distressing.
Even the mice are laughing
I’m sure I heard the mice come out to have a titter and say: “Look at the big galoot, dipping his bonce in the sink and washing his armpits with a daft wee cloth. We’ve lost a lot of respect for him now.”
Luckily, I can get a shower twice a week up at the Big Village leisure centre, where I use the gym and sauna.
I feel a bit like a tramp misusing the facilities, but I’d be having a shower before and after the sauna anyway. It’s just that I take a lot longer about it now.
As for the heating, well I try to keep that off till November anyway, so it’s not a problem at the moment, though there have a couple of chilly nights recently. Thankfully, my electric blanket – best invention in the world – still works.
My experience has made me wonder what it will be like if the energy crisis really does start to bite.
It’s true that we do get used to anything, but it helps psychologically to know that your shortage is temporary.
I wouldn’t want to be washing my heid and body in a wee sink forever.
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