The pomp, the ceremony, the devoted well-wishers and the sparkly regalia – there really is nothing else like Eurovision.
Oh hang on, there is, but as far as dizzying spectacles go, the coronation can’t hold a candle to the glitter-bombing bling of our annual song contest.
I’ll see your street party and I’ll raise you a village – the Eurovision Village to be exact, located at Pier Head in Liverpool where throngs of fans are gathered to enjoy the contest as well as other performances and guest appearances.
And while the Crown Jewels are dazzling, they are nothing compared to Rylan Clark’s teeth.
The BBC is having him host Eurovision on Radio 2, presumably because if those gnashers were on set alongside all that neon and sequins, there’s a chance the television cameras could melt.
No pain, no gain
I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy the coronation. I did. I mean, it was one of my favourite episodes in The Crown and this one was almost as good, I just wish they had kept Claire Foy in it.
It was quite a sight seeing King Charles III in all that historic garb with a resplendent woman by his side – Penny Mordaunt.
Imagine if we’d got her instead of Liz Truss? She too might have trashed the economy but at least she would have looked amazing in the process.
Apparently Penny took a couple of painkillers before she had to carry those heavy swords for more than an hour.
We should have done the same to get us through the agony of the Liz Truss era, which lasted about the same amount of time.
Coronation controversy
Of course the coronation was surrounded by controversy. Will Australia and Jamaica break from the monarchy? Did the Metropolitan Police overreact by making 64 arrests? How much is this going to cost the taxpayer during a cost-of-living crisis?
Anti-monarchists argue public office should only be for those elected into it, and as we know, that always works out so well.
President Trump was given a televised platform this week to rehash his “rigged election” claims and ridicule a woman who, days earlier, had won a defamation claim against him, as well as pledging to pardon those who took part in the Capitol riot.
In an appearance on CCN (which was said to enrage many of its own staff) he also refused to pick a side in the Ukraine war.
Zelensky won’t address Eurovision millions
This means President Volodymyr Zelensky has much more to worry about than not being allowed to give an address during the Eurovision Song Contest Final.
Organisers want the spotlight to be on the event, not the politics, and for everyone to have fun, unlike fans of The View who had to witness a punch-up.
The Dundee band apologised after their Manchester gig had to be stopped when frontman Kyle Falconer lashed out at bass guitarist Kieren Webster during the show.
The stage is set for a showdown over Aberdeen library and pool closures with the first legal challenge launched.
A petition for a judicial review of the closure of Bucksburn pool and Woodside Library has been lodged with the Court of Session with challenges of the closure of five other libraries expected to follow.
The battle to save the Belmont also took a step forward as cinema consultants Mustard Studio outlined plans to help the filmhouse survive a reopening.
Pothole woes
Aberdeen City Council will next week vote on how to proceed and councillors are recommended to allow officials to go to the market and find an operator to take on the cinema.
Other options include converting the building to a cultural venue for other, non-cinematic purposes or even take no action at all and live with the embarrassment.
Aberdeenshire Council is currently having to do that after bungling workers fixed the wrong pothole while leaving a bigger crater untouched on the Royal Deeside route.
Councillor Geva Blackett said she “couldn’t believe it” when she realised a pothole in dire need of repair at Crathie had been ignored while workers filled a smaller cavity inches away.
So for the roads repair team, that’s nul points from the member for Aboyne, Upper Deeside and Donside.
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