I KNEW IT! Cats are a bigger menace to society than dogs and that’s official.
Freedom of Information figures for the Highlands revealed cats have consistently hospitalised hundreds more people than dogs.
At Raigmore Hospital in Inverness 201 people attended with injuries caused by cats and 149 by dogs in the year up to September.
The trend was similar in previous years and at Belford Hospital in Fort William, Caithness General Hospital in Wick, and Lorn and Islands Hospital in Oban.
This means I now have compelling evidence in my sustained campaign to persuade my daughter to like dogs more than cats.
It’s not that I’m cattist (alright I am); there are logical reasons for my efforts to influence her in this regard.
For starters we don’t have a cat, and you can show me as many YouTube kitten videos as you like Kiddo, but we’re never getting one.
If we need a second reason, may I remind everyone that we do have a dog. She’s that black and white crazy currently chasing the shadow of her own ears around the living room.
No Bond villain but still…
Admittedly a sprocker spaniel will never be cool enough to accompany a Bond villain, but she will give you a hero’s welcome when you come home, even if you were only gone 30 seconds to take the bin out.
Unlike those feline fraudsters at the cat café, a dog won’t charge you £12 for the honour of being in the same room and then retreat to a high ledge and ignore you while its minders laugh affectionately at its sociopathic foibles.
Taylor Swift’s cats have a lot to answer for
I blame Taylor Swift. I suspected my daughter was already leaning towards liking cats more than dogs and then Tay-Tay came along with her purring companions and it was sprocker spaniels out, Scottish folds in.
As a parent, you train for when rock stars set bad examples for your children – but this? It’s too much to bear.
Why couldn’t she get into the Rolling Stones or Courtney Love or someone? Not this squeaky clean, hard-working, musical role model and her pesky cats.
Person of The Year 2023
One of them is even on the cover of Time magazine, under the headline Person of The Year.
To be clear, it’s Taylor Swift who is Time’s Person of The Year 2023, but her ragdoll cat Benjamin Button, draped around her shoulders, is all anyone is talking about.
I typed “Time Taylor Swift cat” into Google and results showed the magazine selling for up to £99 on eBay.
I could say I’m in the wrong business but USA Today has just appointed a full-time Taylor Swift reporter.
In a statement, the news network said Bryan West had seen off hundreds of other applicants because of his Emmy Award-winning journalism and his extensive knowledge of all things Taylor Swift, and that will include her cats.
I might have been tempted to apply myself, but interviews and exams fill me with almost as much dread as the thought of getting a cat.
P&J journalist sits school exam
That’s why I was impressed by P&J journalist Calum Petrie who sat a National 5 English exam in the interests of research.
As thousands of pupils prepare for their prelims in January he decided to put the phrase, “It was harder in my day,” to the test.
He did pass, but the experience was a reminder of the pressure pupils have to deal with, not to mention writer’s cramp.
I do feel for those youngsters who have spent the Christmas holidays swotting up and I was glad of some downtime myself.
It’s a wonderful campaign
We kicked off the festivities with a screening by the Belmont Cinema campaign of It’s A Wonderful Life at Cowdray Hall.
What is wonderful is seeing the efforts to revive this valuable filmhouse in Aberdeen gather strength.
Jimmy Stewart is great and I did shed a tear, but not at the film, I mean in Marks and Spencer afterwards when I saw they wanted £23 for a yule log.
If I had that kind of money I wouldn’t be on my way round to WH Smith right now to see if I can find any copies of Time magazine to hawk on eBay.
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