Speaking with the jubilant and colourful Aboyne celebrant Isabel Lockhart, 61 is anything but dull.
But as I look past her smile on Zoom into her home office, I see a photo of a young man and a teddy bear.
“That’s Ben behind me,” she said turning around.
Ben is Isabel’s son who lived with cystic fibrosis and died in September 2019.
“The teddy bear is made out of his dressing gown. He’s a Jedi because he was Star Wars daft.”
“It’s Ben that drives me,” she added. “My business is called Legacy because this is Ben’s legacy. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing had he not died.
“It kind of helps me being a celebrant as well, it’s quite healing for me.”
Ben’s funeral became driving force to become Aberdeenshire celebrant
Before becoming a celebrant, Isabel worked in social care for 29 years supporting vulnerable, disabled and ill people.
“So I’ve attended probably more than my fair share of funerals,” she said. “And I would say at least half of them I would leave thinking, ‘Well, that was awful.'”
A lot of the time, she would notice celebrants getting details and names wrong, using the wrong language or painting an inaccurate picture of the person – including at her own mum’s funeral in 1996.
“That was kind of a theme that ran through a lot of funerals,” Isabel said. “Whoever the officiant was, be a priest or minister or celebrant, they hadn’t taken the time to get to know that person.
“So I knew what I didn’t want for Ben’s funeral.
“I thought ‘Right these are the stories I want to be told about Ben’. My sister contributed, his dad contributed, friends and colleagues contributed.”
How bad experiences with other celebrants inspired Isabel to become one herself
Unfortunately despite all her efforts, the celebrant chosen by the funeral director kept getting his name and details wrong in the lead-up to the day.
When the time came to say goodbye to her son, the celebrant presented well but did not come and say hello to the family.
She added: “After the funeral, I thought ‘I can do better than that. I’ve always said I could do better than that.’
“So in the March of the following year, 2020, I trained to be a celebrant before lockdown.”
Isabel’s’ tips for people making sure it is ‘their day’
Originally only wanting to do funerals, Isabel eventually moved into doing weddings as well.
But when she tells the couple to remember “it’s their day”, she makes sure they know that and is always keen for something a bit different.
Especially given that her own wedding day to her husband Denis in 2023 involved fancy dress, axe-throwing, juggling and archery.
With many friends and family asking if they could do it again, Isabel added: “It was the most awesome event ever and it’s not just me that says that.”
Knowing how the big day can be surrounded by family expectations, the Aboyne celebrant added: “I go in with a blank piece of paper.
“It doesn’t matter if it’s a wedding, a funeral, a baby naming whatever it is, it’s all about them. It’s all about the decision about their wedding, their love story.
“I love people’s stories…And I like to bring those stories to life.
“The first thing I will ask is what do you want?
“Take away what your family expectations are, what you’ve read on Pinterest or seen on TikTok. Forget about that.
“If the stars aligned and there was no budget, what is your vision for your wedding? And that’s the starting point. It’s their vision, their values. I align with them.”
Steampunk, rollerblade laces and Mission Impossible weddings
A recent example was a suggested tweak from Isabel to a handfasting ceremony.
Speaking to the couple, the groom had proposed to the bride while rollerblading so Isabel suggested using rollerblade laces for that part of the ceremony.
While there have been a whole range of weddings – including a steampunk-themed day which a hat on her bookshelf points to – there is one that always makes her smile.
Marrying a couple at Drumtochty Castle who had seven children, she said: “They wanted to somehow involve the seven children in it when it came to the ring bearer and usually that’s the best man who will pretend to lose the rings.
“In this case, the best man pretended someone had nicked them. Then the theme song to Mission Impossible started and Nicky’s son got up and went up and down the aisle and appeared with a miniature briefcase and went ‘I believe these are yours’.
“That always makes me smile.”
Meet Inverness celebrant Halde, a former cop and ski instructor
Due to popular demand and hearing more stories like her own, Isabel has also started offering training and then mentorship after it is completed.
As more and more people are training or hoping to become celebrants, Isabel said it could be because some people think it is a quick way of making money as a side hustle.
However, she is always quick to set them right.
Inverness humanist celebrant, Halde Pottinger, would agree.
Despite completing his training 10 years ago, Halde is always keen to keep developing.
“I went to see a friend who is another celebrant with another organisation”, he said.
“And just watched them do a ceremony last weekend because you want to keep improving, developing and learning.”
With more non-religious weddings happening in Scotland in 2022 than religious ones, he said there is more of a demand for humanist-style weddings.
But he said some bigger organisations offering training do not always prepare people for what comes next or offer support once it is completed.
“I think there are so many out there that aren’t honest, or open about it,” he added.
“Because you have to be registered with a Scottish Registrar General and you have to be a body or a committee. There’s quite a lot to it.
“For a lot of people, it can be a way to make an income and can leave some people going ‘What do I do now?'”
‘You’re there to help people through or celebrate the milestones’
Before becoming a celebrant, Halde had been a ski instructor, police officer and forestry worker.
Originally entering the police wanting to help people, Halde said after seven years, the strain on family life and the state of the justice system became too much and he left the force.
But Halde was left missing the human connection.
When he got the chance to train to become a humanist celebrant, he remembered the celebrant who did his wedding in 2012 and thought he would give it a go.
Now 10 years of doing the job based near Inverness, the 40-year-old said: “You’re there to help people through or celebrate the milestones.”
Over the years, Halde has worked closely with families and couples for funerals and weddings and is never above going the extra mile.
Whether that is donning his pair of Lightning McQueen Crocs, dressing up as Mario, hiking up mountains or carrying out a ceremony with a herd of cows, Halde said he likes to make sure people – and their lives – are celebrated.
Police poker face comes in handy during wedding brainstorming
Dealing with a range of emotions in the role, Halde said his police background comes in handy when keeping his personal feelings and facial expressions under control.
Especially during funerals, he said: “You need to be quite emotionally strong.
“You’re there to do a job and give that person the best send-off that you can and you’re there for the family and give them the support.
“I think my background being in the police, you see some horrendous things… I think that’s helped me keep myself composed.”
It is a skill that also comes in handy during wedding brainstorming sessions.
But he added: “Even with the weddings, you’ll hear some people come up with the most ridiculous ideas but you just have to go ‘Oh yeah, that’s lovely. No bother’ because it’s not your wedding, it’s their wedding.
“There are a lot of celebrants out there that will say here are three poems, choose a poem. Or here are three vows, choose a vow.
“You need to let the couple and the family take the lead. You’re there to do a job for them.”
Halde has officiated ceremonies at 8am on a Zanzibar beach with a herd of cattle behind him, on skis at Glen Nevis, at lochs, mountain tops, Glencoe, the Isle of Skye, in people’s front rooms, gardens and hospitals.
“Every single wedding is unique,” he added. “With weddings, it’s just a fun time through the whole time.”
Things to strive for in a celebrant
Fun is something Halde is well known for.
With over 200,000 followers on TikTok following along with his account based on all things Scottish and banter.
This year, Halde and his friend Grant are also taking part in the Ness Factor, a singing competition which raises funds for Highland Hospice, in memory of Halde’s brother who died earlier this year – despite not being able to sing at all.
Bringing his Halde-banter when required, when asked what skills are needed in the job, he added: “Confidence, an outgoing personality, good listener, good talker, public speaking, problem-solving and being calm.”
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