It’s been a week very much like any other. Disappointing weather, Tories squabbling over the leadership and Andy Murray threatening to retire.
So when I saw a superimposed image of giant cruise liner the Costa Favolosa towering over Aberdeen I thought, oh hang on, this is new.
In the P&J montage it looks like the cruise ship version of King Kong, holding a kicking Fay Wray in its giant paw, while shoppers scuttle by on a busy Union Street below.
I knew straight away it was a mock-up. There’s simply no way there would be that amount of people in the city centre these days.
Plus, it’s ludicrous to think a ship would be able to get that close to the heart of the city. That’s just for buses, bikes, taxis and goods vehicles.
Costa Favolosa is the biggest to visit in 900 years
At 290 metres in length (951ft, 5in), the Costa Favolosa is the biggest vessel in 900 years to dock in the Port of Aberdeen.
My first thought was wow, what a monumental feat of naval engineering. My second thought was I just hope the St Machar Bar doesn’t run out of stovies.
The Old Aberdeen pub is a favourite stop for cruise ship visitors and as the Costa Favolosa carries 3,780 passengers that’s a lot of tatties.
Perhaps it would help if someone put the bar order in ahead of time. That’ll be 3,779 single malts please and a flaming Sambuca (there’s always one).
Costa Favolosa has 13 decks
The Costa Favolosa will be a sight most Aberdonians aren’t used to, especially as it has nine swimming pools and maybe even a library.
Plenty of shops too for anyone who isn’t in the market for a mobile phone repair or vape refill. Although I bet you can’t buy a buttery aboard, so it’s swings and roundabouts.
With a staggering 13 decks, the Costa Favolosa towers over the eight-deck NorthLink Ferry.
When the sun hits it at a low angle it will cast a deep shadow over Aberdeen, even more than when Marks and Spencer said it was closing its St Nicholas Street branch.
Incidentally, does anyone else think M&S is hoping we won’t even notice when it closes for good by shutting it down one square foot at a time?
The top two floors closed again this week for “essential maintenance”.
This means the café is off limits but so long as we can still access the vegetable samosas and mandarin desserts in the Food Hall I say let’s not panic.
M&S is a rare lunchtime treat
To be honest I don’t know why I’m so bothered about M&S closing. I only ever buy my lunch there and when I do it’s a rare treat.
A couple of big grocery shops are likely to cost more than an 11-day Mediterranean cruise on the Costa Favolosa.
This is based on my rough calculations and I didn’t even include the £50 Colin the Caterpillar.
Costa Favolosa named in a competition
The Costa Favolosa was named after a competition among travel agents and customers. It had to convey the idea of a magical and glamorous place.
It was ordered by an Italian cruise line, constructed by Italian shipbuilders Fincantieri at a yard near Venice and registered in Genoa, Italy.
That’s why the winning name was Favolosa, Italian for fabulous, and not Cruisy McCruiseface which it surely would have been if it started out at Cammell Laird in Birkenhead.
The Costa Favolosa’s Aberdeen stop comes after a sail around the North Atlantic and North Sea, calling at Iceland and Kirkwall en route.
The voyage started in Hamburg so don’t be surprised if a few Tartan Army stowaways are found when she docks in Aberdeen.
They’ll just be stragglers from the Euros who missed their flights because they never wanted to leave Germany.
The owners of the Costa Favolosa promise their passengers: “You will feel like you are in a fairy tale.
“Everything around you will fill you with delight and inspire moments of wonder. It is there every time you wake up in your balcony cabin looking out at the day’s new sea view.”
I think that’s quite a tall order for the Decathlon store which faces the harbour.
But hey, their tent displays are pretty wonderful, especially when they set up the little camping chairs and tables.
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