Peter Argyle knows about putting life in its proper perspective.
After all, the former Liberal Democrat councillor in Deeside had to deal with the news that his wife, Natalia, had suffered grievous injuries when her car collided with a lorry while she was driving from Aberdeen to Torphins in 2013.
He was at home with their son, Sasha – who was just 21 months old at the time – when the police arrived at the door and the family’s world changed forever.
She was unconscious for years
Natalia, an anaesthetist at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, never fully regained consciousness during the next four-plus years and, while there were initial hopes that she might recover, she finally succumbed to her injuries in 2018.
It was a devastating loss and Peter still speaks about the matter with a quiet intensity which indicates the impact it had on everybody in his immediate circle.
Yet while the memories will never entirely go away, Peter has found happiness again, pursuing a new career as an author, and talked about everything from assisted dying to Donald Trump and the toxicity of social media.
He told me: “It was very difficult at the time and it was more than a year before I felt my son was old enough to go in and see his mother, who had been very badly hurt.
“I went into the care home in Milltimber on what was the 4th of January – which was her birthday but, amid everything that had happened, I had forgotten all about it.
The care home staff were brilliant
“The staff didn’t forget, though. They had a cake and we had a little bit of a party, and I took Sasha in quite regularly after that. But I don’t think she ever knew we were there.
“The brain damage she had suffered was very severe and she was in what’s called a minimally conscious state. It was more than four years until she was released from it.”
Given his own story, one might imagine Peter would support his Lib Dem colleague Liam McArthur’s assisted dying bill which the MSP has introduced at Holyrood.
But he argued the issue was complicated and not something which should be legalised either in Scotland or the rest of the UK without robust safeguards.
It is proving a difficult issue
Peter said: “It is clearly intolerable for those in an end-of-life condition, perhaps facing a long period in great pain, to be forced to endure such impossible circumstances.
“There is, in simple humanity, the need for assisted dying in some cases. But if the door is opened too widely, it would not only place an intolerable burden on the medical profession, but could also result in real harm.
“I used to believe the matter was quite straightforward and that such a measure would be appropriate and right. However, I now have greater doubts.
“I am very conscious that when David Steel introduced his bill to legalise abortion in 1966, which led to the Abortion Act of 1967, the legislation introduced strict controls.
‘It is not an easy decision to make’
“There has been other legislation since but, without suggesting abortion is wrong, can anyone say it is not available simply ‘on demand’ now?
“There is a risk, however good and sound the intentions of those behind the current legislation, that there could be a similar dilution in the future. Once the door has been opened, it would be very difficult to close it, even in part.”
When he first became a councillor, Peter couldn’t have envisaged that Aberdeenshire’s local authority would soon be locking horns with a future US president.
But that’s exactly what happened when Donald Trump and his organisation unveiled grand plans for a luxury golf course development and the construction of hundreds of houses and a hotel complex in Balmedie.
Many backed the economic argument
He recalled: “We didn’t realise that he had a completely different way of operating and he soon turned the accepted order of things on its head.
“There was an element of bullyboy tactics, some of his people were very unpleasant and our council had no experience of dealing with anything on this scale.
“He put forward his argument – and I accepted it. But, with hindsight, I’m not sure I should have done. Trump did promise serious investment in the north-east, but a lot of what was promised never materialised – and it never will.
“I’m not a golfer, but people I know who are keen on the game have told me it [Menie Links] is a very good course, even though it has lost a lot of money.
We never dreamt it would happen
“But we never dreamt that he would become president once, let alone twice, or that what’s happening now in the US would be so alarming and, in many ways, terrifying.
“When he initially announced: ‘I’m going to run for president’ a decade ago, almost everybody laughed. Well, they’re not laughing now.”
Peter published his first novel last year: The Artist’s Apprentice, a work on a large canvas which moves from France to Italy and thereafter, Aberdeenshire.
And he’s currently poised to publish a new book, Victorian Tamworth, about his great-great-great-grandfather, Thomas Argyle, a solicitor in Victorian Britain.
He still helps out his community
But he hasn’t relinquished his political duties and enjoys his responsibilities as chair of the community council in Torphins, as well as helping the Scottish Government.
Indeed, he was among the members of the Scottish Local Authority Remuneration Committee (SLARC) who investigated ways of attracting a wider range of councillors into elected positions “rather than just old people like me.”
However, he appreciates the problems of recruiting more women candidates and those under 30, many of whom have grown disillusioned with traditional politics.
Peter said: “It’s difficult. Are you going to give up your career and then suddenly find yourself being voted out five years later when you come to a cliff edge?
‘There is so much misogyny out there’
“Then, of course, there’s the toxicity of abuse on social media which is getting worse. And if you find yourself bearing the brunt of a concerted attack, it is very distressing.
“It’s particularly hard for women, because they get more viciously attacked [on X/Twitter and Facebook] than men, and much of it is sheer misogyny.
“At SLARC, we did a survey of councillors in Scotland. And some of the responses we heard involved death threats, people having to get police protection… it was appalling.
“If you have to use social media, you should keep it to a minimum and try to ignore all the Charlie Romeo Alpha Papa that is aimed at you.
‘I was fortunate in that regard’
“This doesn’t usually reflect the views of people living in your town or city. But even when you try to put a calm, measured comment on a community [Facebook] page, you often get vitriol flying back at you.
“In my case, there was only one instance where it [abuse] was very personal and very unpleasant. So I suppose I’ve been lucky. But it is a huge issue we have to tackle.”
Now in his late 60s, Peter has remarried and watched his son grow up – and up – and he is clearly proud as punch of the 13-year-old boy who never knew his mother.
Both are entitled to some happiness in their lives.
And both seem determined to blaze their own trail – whatever the Twitter troglodytes might say.
Peter’s books are available on Amazon and Kindle
Conversation