HELPING HANDS IN TIME OF NEED
Today, Maggie’s Aberdeen will be a hive of activity as it hosts its second Christmas fair to raise money for its services – which range from emotional support to financial advice. YL speaks to one man who, after being diagnosed with cancer, turned to the north-east staff and volunteers and said he would be lost without them
Many of us are guilty of living in the moment, spending cash as if it grows on trees and not considering how we will keep a roof over our heads or put food on the table if the worst was to happen.
Cliff Baxter falls into a different category. Fortunately, he had a job that allowed him to pay his rent, take his partner Debbie on an annual holiday and also put some money away.
It wasn’t for anything specific, just for the future, he said.
“And not being a gadget man, I’ve never been one for spending all of my money on things I don’t need, I’ve always appreciated the value of money. I’ve not been frugal, but I’ve been sensible.”
He said he had been able to live a comfortable life in Aberdeen, but when he was diagnosed with cancer late last year, he had to look again at his financial situation.
Understandably, it wasn’t his initial thought. And as his employer had given him six months’ sick pay it wasn’t an immediate concern. But staff at Maggie’s Aberdeen – a centre which offers free practical, emotional, financial and social support for people with cancer and their family and friends – helped him get everything in order, because you never know what is around the corner.
The 45-year-old, who works as a service engineer, was on a holiday last year just before December when he became unwell in Tenerife. It was during his last few nights on the Spanish island and initially he thought he had some kind of mild food poisoning.
“I had abdominal pain, but I didn’t think it justified medical care,” he said.
“The last night was the worst, but we were getting picked up at 5am and I didn’t think I’d have the time to get to the hospital and then fly home, so I stuck it out.”
Once home, however, his symptoms escalated. As well as the abdominal pain, he had severe sweats, which he described as being “like someone has poured water over your head”.
A local GP then signed Cliff off work, but couldn’t quite put the finger on what was wrong. On three occasions, he passed out and ended up in A&E.
Eventually, Cliff was admitted to a surgical ward at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary, where he received an ultrasound test. It was then that a mass was discovered in his abdomen and further tests revealed he had non-Hodgkin lymphoma – a rare form of cancer that develops in the lymphatic system and spreads through the body.
Cliff, not knowing where else to go, turned to the internet to try and find out what might happen to him.
He said: “I understood what it could be because of the nature of the disease, but I didn’t have any clue or direction, other than what was online.
“I didn’t go trawling, as there some sites that are unfounded, but I would use Macmillan or Clan.
“The GPs were in limbo, too; they could only give me a generic description of what would happen. It wasn’t specific to me.”
A clinical nurse, Jeff Horn, at ARI’s haematology unit, was later able to tell Cliff exactly what treatment he would get and how it would work. Then someone told him to visit Maggie’s.
When he phoned the first time, he hung up, explaining that he was on a lot of painkillers and his mind was foggy and clouded.
He said not knowing what was happening with his life or his future and everything being up in the air was making him “confused and withdrawn”.
But after finally finding the courage to ring Maggie’s and speak to the centre’s head, Susan Sutherland, Cliff says he has never looked back.
The centre, close to Aberdeen Royal Infirmary on Westburn Road, was built two years ago. When walking past the unusually designed building, it’s hard to imagine what’s inside.
If you had never been inside, it would be fair to envision it as any other health centre: bright white walls, uncomfortable chairs, medics in white overalls and blue scrubs – a place you’d be reluctant to spend time in.
But Maggie’s Aberdeen is somewhere anyone would be glad to go and have a cup of tea.
Filled with comfy chairs and with a cosy kitchen area, the centre isn’t somewhere that screams cancer. Among the chatter of the visitors are barrels of laughter. The staff dot around, un-uniformed, chatting to those who have come through the door. There’s no reception to report to; you can just walk in and relax.
Today, Saturday, November 21, a Christmas fair takes place between 10am and 2pm to raise funds for the centre. It will be the second fair hosted by the warm and welcoming facility and will feature an array of stalls, including internationally recognised brands.
There will also be activities such as a raffle, tombola and Santa’s grotto. Charlie the therapy dog will be dressed as Santa Paws and will perform tricks for the children, while Santa’s elves hand out presents. On top of the suppliers on the day, Maggie’s will be hosting a table selling its own merchandise, including Christmas cards and tablet, bakes, jewellery, handcrafted goods, soap and more.
Cliff said the help he got from the hospital’s clinical nurse and the staff at Maggie’s was like a “shot in the arm”.
“It was medicine in itself that made you feel better as it was knowledge of what was to come and it wasn’t all black.
“I was devastated when I was told my diagnosis. What I had was not necessarily an end-of-life sentence, but the word itself is scary.”
It also came as a shock to Cliff’s family. He discovered it is usually a delayed reaction with families, as they have put all their focus on helping and supporting you. He said it was only a little while later that he realised his mother was having a difficult time with it.
“She had some major anxiety and migraine issues and she had to seek medical assistance with that,” he said.
“Of course they had to try and shield this. They don’t want you to think you’ve caused them any wrong or ill health.
“My mum tells me not to worry, so I try not to. You’ve got to listen to what your mum tells you. When I heard her laugh again, I knew she was OK. It took about six weeks for her to come around.”
Cliff has endured some gruelling pain throughout his cancer treatment, and he’s still waiting for the results of his latest biopsy. But for him, the hardest part of the experience has been accepting his fate.
“It took a while to accept I was limited and had an illness. It always felt like you were sitting in hospital and viewing yourself through a camera and that it wasn’t real and that it wasn’t happening to you. “
“It was like watching someone else’s life.”
It was things like these that Cliff was dealing with when Maggie’s staff suggested he might want to start considering other aspects of his life. He said, initially, emotional and medical support is what the centre offers, but, after some conversations, staff are able to assess your needs and direct you to the right information.
“They just give you enough information so that it doesn’t overwhelm you,” he said.
“Because of the medication I was on, and the circumstances I was in, I found filling in a form quite difficult. It sounds unusual now I’m saying it, but I was sometimes forgetting things and it does affect your ability to be confident when dealing with things like forms in case you make a mistake which you don’t realise until later.
“It even went as far as me sitting with the benefits adviser, Diana, and going through forms for employment support allowance. She filled them out on my behalf. I would then read and sign them, so that shows you the level of help you are getting.
“Once you’ve got your head around your illness and your treatment, then this is another aspect of life. You are just taking it one step at a time.”
Cliff said that he would have really struggled without the help offered by Maggie’s.
He said that while once he would have described himself as someone who was “quite on the ball”, now the “jigsaw is in many, many pieces”.
“My ability to communicate on a level like that, looking into benefits that I’ve never had to claim before, which is such a delicate subject, I would have been lost without them,” he added.
“I don’t think I would have got as far as I was as quickly as I needed to be without the financial advice. You’re going through turbulent times in your life. Your brain isn’t working properly.”
Ultimately, it is the support he has received from staff and service-users alike that has helped Cliff and his family get through this.
He said: “Some of the people you meet here are incredible. I’ve worked with guys for months and never got to know them on a personal level; that’s just how it is.
“But when you are here, you meet guys and, in 20 minutes, they’ll tell you something personal or you’ll be telling them stories you’ve never told anyone else. They can also tell if someone wants to talk, or if someone just wants to sit and look out the window.
He described Maggie’s as a “beacon of knowledge and hope”.
“You come here and the staff guide you and inform you, and that was a chunk of what was missing for me. I didn’t want to go online for information, but I didn’t know how to get the information I needed till I came here.
“I’m good with words and I read a lot, but I still can’t find the words to describe what this place gave me.”
He said that, in lieu of Christmas presents, his family have decided to donate money to Maggie’s Aberdeen instead, a place he describes as very “special”.
“We don’t need the gifts; it’s better if the money goes to someone who will benefit from it.
“I feel positive and feel supported. I know this place is here and my family, friends and workmates are important. I am still in limbo a bit, as I am still waiting. It might be a jump for joy result or it might not be. It is what it is.
“This has been the richest year of my life so far. It has made me understand that material things are handy, but there are things you have around you every day that you take for granted. People you’ve never met before can make such a difference to your life. I’ve travelled and worked abroad in some unusual places and met some extraordinary people, but I don’t feel that I’ve missed anything this year.”