A Shetland mum has spoken out about her battle with alcohol and how launching her baking business saved her life.
Lesley Smith, 38, lives in Scalloway with her husband and three young children and runs her baking business, Buggles Bakes, from home.
Having battled with alcoholism most of her life, Lesley says it was a decision to turn to baking that completely changed everything.
The mum and step-mum to a 21-year-old was determined to be more present in her children’s lives and found respite in the craft.
She had got sober a year prior to starting her business two years ago and she also quitted smoking at the time.
Alcohol abuse
Drinking from as young as 12 years old, it was when Lesley suffered from her first miscarriage 15 years ago that her drinking spiralled out of control and it was no longer “fun, but numbed the pain”.
She had struggled with her addiction for nearly three decades.
“I’ve had a problem with alcohol all of my life. I first got drunk when I was probably 12. Shetland has a very big drink culture – anybody that lives here that has their eyes open will tell you the same. I don’t know if it’s an island community thing,” said Lesley.
“Going out at the weekend when you’re a young teenager was just the norm. When you’re surrounded by it you mistake it for being normal.
“I was out at hall discos at 13/14 and always ended up getting drunk. It is something that has followed me all of my life.
“It started becoming a serious problem after my first miscarriage. That was when it wasn’t just ‘fun’ anymore and was an escape.
“I’ve parented my children throughout my alcoholism and I’ve done things I’m really not proud of.
“I always say ‘I should have got sober earlier’, but everyone else would argue I got sober at the right time.”
January 4, 2018: 12.40am
Lesley stopped drinking after the New Year of 2018.
She found respite a year later in baking, having depended on her close friend for the first year of her sobriety.
She said: “It is an addiction and you don’t choose to be addicted. I drank to ease my depression and I just carried on. I didn’t realise alcohol was aggravating my depression.
“It is so readily normalised that you justify having a glass of wine at 1pm with lunch. Mine turned into 10am and then I was drinking from the moment I woke up, to the moment I passed out. I nearly threw my life away.
“I’ve suffered a lot of loss the past two years – the death of my mother-in-law and several friends – without my oven, I would’ve really struggled to stay sober.”
Lesley Smith.
“It really was an accumulation of horrendous events that brought my drinking to an end. I had a moment of clarity when I looked at my kids and thought ‘they don’t deserve this’. I decided I’d stop after New Year and on January 4, 2018 at 12.40am I had my last drink.
“The first year of my sobriety was really hard because I had no outlet. I leaned very hard on my sober friend, Jennifer, during that first year. I owe so much to her for that.
“The thing about addiction is that the actual doing of the thing isn’t the hard bit. The hard part is the amount of time you spend obsessing over the thing. Once that was gone, it left a huge void.
“When I started baking, I had something to fill it with. I’m famous for saying, ‘baking helps me silence my demons and quieten my inner noise, it gives me something to focus on’. In that sense, baking has saved my life.
I was drinking from the moment I woke up, to the moment I passed out. I nearly threw my life away.”
Lesley Smith.
“When my mental health took a dip, I would put the oven on, when I felt triggered, I put the oven on.
“I’ve suffered a lot of loss the past two years – the death of my mother-in-law and several friends – without my oven, I would’ve really struggled to stay sober.
“Being able to provide for my children has given my self-esteem such a boost. I got sober for them because they deserved better and now I am teaching them life lessons they can use when they get older. I want so much to make them proud.
“It’s true what they say about addiction being a family disease, I can’t imagine how heartbreaking it must be to watch your family member self-destruct in that way and be helpless to do anything about it.”
Baking saviour
Now running Buggles Bakes at home, Lesley is inundated with orders and has already closed her books for the year due to being booked up.
She started the business taking inspiration from platforms including Pinterest, and turned to Facebook groups and online forums for advice when needed.
Lesley added: “I got back into baking when we were throwing my daughter a birthday party. I was newly sober and searching for something, anything, to fill that void.
“I went on Pinterest and it piqued my interest. I became obsessed with all of these little things I could make and create. I started making rainbow fudge and cupcakes, and having Google at my fingertips made things so much easier. I’ve only been baking for two years now.
“I’m alive and I’m better. It has been hard and I haven’t done it all on my own.
“I’ve learned so much from the members of the groups and they have shared so much of their knowledge which has been wonderful. I did plenty of courses to help develop my skills, too. Carol McFarland, who owns Sugar and Crumbs, has been very supportive of me.
“My schedule is pretty hectic. I could probably be making a cake a day, but I tend to make three or four cakes a week, with cupcake bouquets and other bakes, too. I’ve started getting orders for cookies, but I’d like to move into more bigger and sophisticated cakes.
“I have closed my books for the rest of the year to give me time to practice things and take the business to the next level. I’m booked up until September and have taken October off.
“Seeing people succeed in finding sobriety is something I’m incredibly passionate about. I post in our local Facebook pages once in a while to offer a friendly, supportive ear for anyone struggling.
“I think if I hadn’t found cake, I would’ve maybe become a sponsor for Shetland and started a recovery group for locals, maybe I still will.”
For anyone who needs help, support or advice or knows someone who may, please contact the below mental health charities or seek guidance from your GP/doctors.
You can also call NHS24 on 111 or Alcoholics Anonymous on 0800 9177650.