After all the anticipation of the family coming for Christmas and the fun when they fill your house with noise and laughter it can be a bit deflating when your adult children head off to get back to their own lives.
The weather at this time of year doesn’t help, with barely six hours of daylight, so there’s little incentive to get outside.
You may wonder if it’s possible to pick yourself up again when you’ve just waved them all goodbye. But it is.
Highland life coach Nicky Marr shares her top tips for banishing that post-Christmas empty nest syndrome, to help you face the New Year with an optimistic frame of mind.
It’s time to celebrate your achievement
It’s so tempting to feel that the house is empty after your adult kids head back to their own lives after Christmas, but as you wave them away, take time to congratulate yourself on some excellent parenting over the last couple of decades.
Our role as parents is to give our kids roots and shoots. The roots give them a strong foundation, a sense of who they are and their place in the world, and a moral compass.
The shoots we give are the freedom, independence, and confidence to make their own way in the world, based on that solid root system. Your children are independent – well done. Would you really like them still to be at home all the time? I thought not.
‘Pour yourself a glass of something delicious’
We can’t change that our kids grow up and leave home, but we can change how we feel about it.
Pour yourself a glass of something delicious and bubbly to celebrate the successful accomplishment of the hardest job any of us will ever have. Parenthood – done! Now, how would you like the rest of your life to be?
How would you love things to be?
I love this question – we spend so much of our lives thinking about what we should and ought to do, and about what others might think of us, that we barely give time to really considering what we want to do with our lives.
What do you do that makes your heart sing? Could you do more of that? Think about the things that give your life meaning and purpose.
It could be work, volunteering, getting lost in music or art projects, or researching an obscure chapter of Italian history.
Look ahead to warmer months – plan how you’ll overhaul a messy part of the garden, or research a trip to somewhere you’ve always wanted to go.
Notice what makes you feel alive, and think about choosing to follow your own path for a change. Who cares what the neighbours might say. What have you got to lose?
Invest in relationships
As well as needing some purpose in our lives, we all need connection. Invest in friendships and family relationships.
Just because we’re not next door, it doesn’t mean we can’t have meaningful relationships with those we love, wherever they are in the world.
If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that the screen doesn’t need to be a barrier to connection. So dust down your little black book, fire up Zoom, and get chatting to all those folk who mean something to you.
Working year-round from home, I have a virtual coffee break with a friend or colleague most days. Twenty minutes of conversation can make a world of difference.
Get active
Get outside, even if just for half an hour. I know, the weather might look grey and murky, but getting out into daylight, and getting your heart pumping on a walk along the beach, through the woods, or even along some streets you rarely explore, always lifts the spirits.
And if it’s really too awful to venture outside, there are millions of workouts on YouTube, even for the biggest fitness procrastinators. Yoga with Adrienne is a great place to start.
Not into working out? Don’t tell me there isn’t a cupboard that doesn’t need cleaned out, or a corner of the garage that hasn’t been touched for ten years.
Having a clear-out is a win-win – the activity can be utterly absorbing – who knows what you will find? And you’ll have earned a cup of tea and another mince pie.
Nicky is offering a free day of coaching on January 7, if you’re interested in booking a slot email nicky@nickymarr.co.uk
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