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Don’t forget about the children

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Another woman who wished to share her story is 26 year old Janine from Aberdeen. She found GWA online after staying in a refuge home in Aberdeenshire. Staying in the refuge her, her mother and her brother from a violent situation.

She said: “It was very confusing as a child, wondering why my mother was being shouted at and why she would end up screaming. I couldn’t really grasp why my father got angry frequently and it was behaviour that didn’t need much encouragement to come out.

“As a child, you think life should be blissful and you haven’t yet crossed into the more complicated matters of adulthood, or the negatives of the world. One thing was for sure, was that I always knew when things were wrong. Never underestimate how much a child can sense at a young age.

“My mother tried for years to support my father, wanting to believe, that by building a person’s self-confidence and assurance you cared for them, that eventually change would follow and the violence would stop. That is what most individuals commit to when they genuinely love a person. There is nothing wrong with believing and striving for a better life. I hope that helps any woman (wife, mother or girlfriend) who may be overpowered with guilt from the aftermath, especially when children are involved.”

Janine said her father continued to be both verbally and physically aggressive towards her mother before the family eventually moved out and left him. She said her experience has had an effect on her life as she grows up, making every day questions such as what does your dad do and where are you from hard to answer.

She said domestic abuse can affect children in a family in many ways from having to deal with a mix of emotions from anger and resentment to sadness and loneliness to having an affect on their overall development.

She added: “I do not think there is enough awareness of the impact on children. Services today are challenged to prevent vulnerabilities for children; therefore a weight of attention goes to the prevention stage. I also think many do forget about the children involved.

“Although Grampian Women’s Aid acts as a crisis service for the victim of violence, it does not necessarily mean they will be coming for help alone. I do not know the statistics, but would be surprised if those currently seeking support are alone, without children. We came as a package, as will others.

“My advice to anyone who has experienced a household where domestic violence has taken place, do not feel as though you cannot talk about it. It doesn’t mean that you are trying to take the attention away from your mother; it just confirms that you were there too. It really depends on the individual and how they want to deal with it for themselves, but the door should always be open. You never know when it will dawn on you what happened.”

If you would like more information, you can contact Grampian Women’s Aid on 01224 593381 or e-mail Alison.hay@grampian-womens-aid.com. You can also visit www.grampian-
womens-aid.com