Ani Lhamo awoke early on October 10, to make her way to Holy Isle, near Arran, from her home at the Buddhist centre, Samye Ling, in Dumfries-shire.
She was away to pick up the centre’s abbot, Lama Yeshe Losal Rinpoche but, unknown to her, news of a terrible tragedy in China had begun to sweep across the water.
The centre’s founder, Dr Akong Tulku Rinpoche, was brutally murdered, along with his nephew and driver.
It was only on the way back to the centre that Ani Lhamo was told of what had happened by Lama Yeshe, Akong Tulku’s brother.
“While I was driving the abbot told me and obviously it was very shocking but looking back I’m glad I was driving so I had something to concentrate on,” said Ani Lhamo, 57 who is originally from Fort William.
“It was just the most devastating thing. I mean everybody dies but some people, it’s just so inconceivable to think of them not being around that you can’t even let your mind go there and he was like that.
“And not just for me or a few people but for thousands of people. Like in Tibet he did so much work with orphans so there are thousands of orphans being cared for and educated because of him, and he was like their father, so in a way he has thousands of children and each one of them is heartbroken and any one of them would have gladly given their lives instead of his, people loved him that much.
“He was a very quiet person, he didn’t talk about what he was doing much. I used to think he was more Scottish than some Scots. You know how there is this stereotype of the dour Scot, he was a bit like that, a dour Scot with a good heart.”
NO RETRIBUTION
It is understood that the Buddhist leader was murdered by someone who had previously lived at the Dumfries-shire centre, over a dispute about money.
Ani Lhamo said that something like this had never happened before and everyone was finding it hard to understand.
“It’s even more bizarre to us than it might be for the rest of the world hearing about it. It’s just too unbelievable, every aspect of it is shocking,” she added.
Since his death, the members of the centre have been holding group prayers in his memory and will continue for 49 days – a Tibetan tradition. They also plan to continue the many projects the Buddhist leader was working on.
But the prayers are also for the people responsible for his death – a concept I can imagine many people would found quite hard to understand.
But Ani Lhamo explained: “Lama Yeshe has said there must be no retribution and even if the death penalty is a possibility for the man or group that did it, he would ask that it be reduced. We are not looking for punishment.
“What’s important is to make sure more negativity does not come from this. We are praying for the people that did it as well as for everybody else. From our point of view they need the prayers more because they’ve done this terrible thing.
“It’s not easy, it’s something that one has to really work at. That amount of anger in one’s mind means we will experience suffering in the future.
“Akong Rinpoche was not angry, we feel quite sure that even at that point he had no bad feelings towards the people that did it. It’s like the Christian example of Jesus Christ, he said forgive them, even when he was on the cross, so that is what Buddhists aspire to.”
WILLINGNESS TO HELP
This is definitely one of the most bizarre things to happen to Ani Lhamo since she became a Buddhist nun in 1989.
Born Edith Hope in Dingwall, the 57-year-old grew up in Fort William before going to university and later moving to Glasgow to work in computer systems.
It was through a friend that she first became aware of the religion and the Scottish centre, and first visited it in 1982 when her friend got married there.
From there she became a follower before making the decision to leave her life behind and become a Buddhist nun.
“I think what struck me was that a good Lama can meet someone and if what they need is a good hug they’ll get that and it doesn’t matter if they know that person well or not, if that person likes them or not, whether they are Buddhist or not, they will help them,” she said.
“It’s unconditional and it’s a willingness to help anybody, not just the people you like or the people you are attracted to or the people that are nice to you, just anybody that you feel you have the potential to help then you will.”
SAYING GOODBYE
To become a nun, Ani Lhamo had to undertake an intensive retreat in 1989 at the age of 32, which took four years, as well as take a number of vows including complete celibacy.
But as we sat on cushions in one of the Dumfries-shire centre’s many beautifully decorated prayer rooms, she told me it was not a hard decision to make.
“It was because I really wanted to do it,” she said.
It was telling her friends and family, however, that she struggled more with.
She said: “I told the people in my work about it and they were very nice and very kind about it. They gave me things that I needed for the retreat and said if I decided I didn’t like it, they would come and get me.
“Considering how outlandish it must have seemed I was amazed at how good people were about it. It was quite difficult to say goodbye to my family.
“They didn’t stop me or try and change my mind but obviously it must have been very hard for them to understand.
“I didn’t want to even ask them, it wasn’t right in a way to impose that on them. I felt I didn’t want to cause them any suffering because I was doing what I wanted to do.
“But I feel I appreciate my family more as a result of what I have done, rather than less. I feel very grateful for having a good family and one that has never stopped me doing things that are not particularly normal for someone brought up in Fort William.
“Also on their side I think they are seeing that it’s not such a bad thing.”
NO REGRETS
Giving up her chance to have children and getting married is also something that Ani Lhamo has not found hard to do – for many of us, it would seem the greatest sacrifice a woman could make.
But she explained that there is a logical idea behind the vows, rather than just being told not to do something.
“The idea is that if one does not engage in relationships then one is freed from that emotional involvement and immediately releases about 90% of one’s time,” she explained.
“So I never have to think about am I attractive to men? Or is he still going to like me?
“It’s a way of not being biased to the people we are attached to and thereby sort of having to exclude others. What we are really trying to do is develop the attitude of caring about every and any human being as if they were our own child.
“So if one doesn’t have children of their own there’s more time and energy to devote to others so we can work for the general good rather than the specific good.”
Taking that decision at such a young age, I wondered if she has ever regretted not having children or if it was something she was never interested in anyway.
“For me being able to be a nun has been very fortunate because for some reason it suits me. I find it just fantastic and I’ve never for an instant regretted it,” she said.
“It’s obviously not something one does because someone tells you to do it or without considering it properly. It is difficult for people in our society these days to make a commitment like that.
“Never once have I thought I should have had kids.”
GRATEFUL AND HAPPY
I spoke to Ani Lhamo for over an hour and it was obvious to me how dedicated and involved she is in this lifestyle. Not only was her passion evident when she spoke about her own experiences but during our tour of the centre as well.
The Samye Ling centre is made up of several large buildings including a beautifully decorated temple, prayer rooms, and accommodation and dotted around the gardens are statues of Buddhist historical figures and the Buddha himself.
Ani Lhamo spoke lovingly about the different aspects of the centre and about how anyone could come to it, regardless of their religious beliefs. Both day and weekly retreats are available and people can take part in any aspect they wish.
She explained her daily life consists of prayers, meditation and working as the abbot’s secretary, which includes many administrative responsibilities.
I said goodbye to Ani Lhamo as she joined the rest of the monastery for more prayers for their beloved leader.
But before she left, I felt compelled to ask – at its most basic level, why did she choose this life?
“It’s quite hard to say,” she said.
“It’s like if someone said to you, what do you get out of being a human being or being a woman, what is it? Being a nun is that natural to me.
“It feels like what has always been there inside is now expressed in the outside and I feel so grateful and happy that I’ve been able to do that.”