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DEALING WITH DEMENTIA

DEALING WITH DEMENTIA

Last year, Bob Keiller wrote a poem for his three children. An incredibly personal and powerful collection of stanzas, it laid bare his feelings about an issue which is dear to his heart – Alzheimer’s disease.

The CEO of Wood Group lost his mother to the disease in 1998, and to commemorate the 15th anniversary of her death, he put pen to paper. The poem communicates to his children what he wants them to feel if he should also develop a form of dementia in his later years.

But Bob didn’t stop there. With his family’s blessing, he took the additional brave step to share the poem with the public – first through his company’s internal blog which is distributed to 35,000 people each week, then on to a public blog where it has been shared with considerably more.

Most recently, he read it aloud at a charity event held in Ardoe House which aimed to raise funds for vital equipment to be used locally in Alzheimer’s research.

The response to the poem has been understandably profound, with it becoming very clear to Bob and his fellow fundraisers at the Strictly Come Dancing-themed event that so many people are affected by dementia.

“What struck home for me was the terrible nature of senile dementia,” explained Bob of the motivation to share his experiences.

“It changes your perception of the person, and your relationship with them. It took me a while to understand that the lady who I saw dying wasn’t the lady who brought me up. I was left with all sorts of feelings of guilt as to why I wasn’t feeling the things I thought I should have been.

“It took me a long time to understand that it was the disease and not the person. It’s such a cruel thing, because most people aren’t able to make that separation and are left with so many massive impacts upon their lives as a result of this terrible disease.

Nearly £55,000 was raised at the charity event which has been heralded a great success. Aside from the money raised, it has helped raise awareness of dementia, the work done by specialists at Aberdeen Royal Infirmary in the city’s Foresterhill area, and the University of Aberdeen’s Development Trust which raises funds for research in this area, among others.

The event is the third to have been co-ordinated by Charlie Bain – director of telecommunications firm, C Euro Communications – and his wife Carol. Like Bob, Charlie has a personal connection to dementia, which has similarly spurred him into action.

“Because I lost two fathers to dementia in 2011, I felt I needed to do something,” said Charlie of his reason for establishing the series of fundraising events.

“I’m on a pilgrimage to get as much equipment as possible to enhance the facilities at Foresterhill. And also to make people aware of the development trust and the work that they do – not many people know about them.”

The dance-themed event, titled Different Dancing Memories and which was sponsored by Apache, was both hugely entertaining, and thought-provoking, Charlie explained. Six couples, including Charlie, Carol, Bob and his wife, took to the ballroom floor to perform a slow waltz and cha-cha which each had rehearsed tirelessly for four months to perfect.

Among the fellow entertainers – and also in the judges seats – were professional dancers Kristina Rihanoff and Robin Windsor.

Such was the rapturous reaction of the 300-strong crowd, many ended up standing on their seats by the end.

“The feedback was that we all did really well. That was really satisfying for everybody. We all did something that we all thought we couldn’t do,” said Charlie.

The impact of the event’s more sombre moments, such as Bob’s poem reading, was just as strong.

Charlie added: “There wasn’t one person in the audience who didn’t have a hankie with them. It really was poignant.”

Like Charlie, Bob was delighted with the response, particularly with the fact that the money raised will be used well.

He said: “Anything that could help with making an earlier diagnosis has the potential to help millions of people. It’s a cause that’s dear to my heart, and it was to so many others on the night.”

When I become confused – please think this of me by Bob Keiller

When I become confused – please think this of me

The dad you look at feels the same but I am not the man you see

My wiring has failed my disc is scratched my memory is full of bugs

That doesn’t change the me I am though my screen no longer works

Don’t corrupt your thoughts on me by what you see today

Don’t get upset by what I do and the things I do not say

Know I love you more than words – always have, always will

And when I am no longer here – my love will endure still

My mother went the same way and I didn’t know what to do

I let my image of the woman I loved become corrupted and weakened too

It took me years to realise the mum I lost was not the one I saw die

It made me angry that I was robbed of the real chance to say goodbye

So bid me farewell while I’m still me then care for the shell that stays

But hold on fiercely to the times we had and all the happy days

I am the joke you remember I told too much, the punch line I couldn’t leave

I am the party and the singing and always last to leave

From your first breath I cared for you in every way I could

And nothing fills me more with pride that you have all turned out pretty good

Remember me as your devoted dad who couldn’t wait to see you

I heard your stories, jokes and fears and did all I could to ease you

So keep telling the tales and smile – remember when dad did that!

Or the time he taught me to ride a bike or wore that stupid hat

By keeping the sunny memories and real dad in your mind

Wherever you go, whatever you do, I’ll be with you all the time.

Your loving, doting, devoted dad