Scott Macpherson lost his wife Carole to secondary breast cancer in 2020 – just nine months after diagnosis.
After having to say goodbye to her two years ago, Mr Macpherson decided to give his wife a “good send off” and raise awareness about the disease that took her life.
Although being diagnosed with breast cancer is awful, the 56-year-old believed that after being treated, Mrs Macpherson would recover.
He said: “Everybody thinks that you’re going to get breast cancer nowadays, you’re gonna get a treatment and it’s going to be rosy, but that didn’t help us.”
‘There is treatment but there is no cure’
Previously Mrs Macpherson had stage three breast cancer in 2018 when the family were living in Dubai. After going through all the treatment she was declared cancer free ten months later.
However, at Mrs Macpherson’s next blood test a few months later something was wrong. It was then she was diagnosed with an incurable metastatic breast cancer (MBC), secondary breast cancer of the liver.
Mr Macpherson said: “Normally it spreads though the body, lungs, brain, bones, liver and there is treatment but there’s no cure.
“It never even entered my mind or Carole’s, we didn’t think she was going to die from it.”
A short nine months later having moved back to Aberdeen, Mrs Macpherson was admitted to hospital after her liver had stopped functioning.
“We really didn’t know how far she had deteriorated,” said Mr Macpherson. “She called me in the morning and she said ‘The doctor says I have low blood pressure and they’re going to struggle.’
“And I said, ‘Struggle with what?’ She said ‘To keep me alive.'”
At this point, their son Ross had not been told about Mrs Macpherson’s diagnosis.
After coming off the phone with his wife, Mr Macpherson said: “I had to go and wake Ross up and tell him unfortunately, his mum was really ill and we had to go and see her.”
Carole died later that day with her husband and son by her side. She was 51.
Angry with people’s perception of breast cancer
Following her death, Mr Macpherson said the grief hit him hard: “It’s just been horrendous. I’m lucky I’ve got my son, he keeps me busy.
“I underestimated it. After she passed away, I felt like I was going to die.”
Due to Covid, they were only able to have a small funeral with 20 people in attendance.
However, the Bridge of Don resident said he received an outpouring of messages from people online, some of them filled with hilarious stories due to Mrs Macpherson’s “wicked sense of humour”.
It was after reflecting on his wife’s character and her diagnosis that Mr Macpherson decided to organise an event to remember her.
Before Mrs Macpherson’s diagnosis, Mr Macpherson said: “I’d never really heard of secondary breast cancer.
“I think one of the reasons I decided to have the event was one, Carole was such a selfless person. She really was always thinking of others. That was her big trait.
“And I think also in the back of my mind, I was a bit angry about people’s perception of breast cancer nowadays, and we’re guilty, all of us are guilty. We almost think that breast cancer’s like the flu.”
Mr Macpherson said while awareness had been raised for breast cancer, what often was not talked about was people living with secondary breast cancer.
“They live with cancer, every day. My wife was lucky, all through her treatment she didn’t have to work.
“There’s people that are working with secondary breast cancer who need chemotherapy once a week. They’ve got families, they’ve got jobs. It must be unbelievably tough.”
“My message is if you have friends of family member with it support them as much as you can because it can turn into secondary breast cancer.”
Not going to be a ‘teary affair’
Metastatic breast cancer is when the cancer has travelled from the primary breast site through the blood or lymphatic system to another area of the body.
While there is treatment, it is currently incurable. The average life expectancy of those with an MBC diagnosis is two to three years.
Although planning the event has been hard, Mr Macpherson said he thought it was a good “send off” for Mrs Macpherson. Although he said it is not going to be a “teary affair”, he wants people to enjoy themselves.
He added: “I’m delighted to have done this event it just shows what you can do if you put your mind to it. It’s going to be a fantastic event, everyone is looking forward to it.”
“If you knew Carole you’d understand why I was doing it. She would probably laugh but she was an amazing person. And loads of people felt that way.
“She always found the good in everyone, and that’s the type of person she was. So I think she deserves this event, a good send off.”
The Carole Macpherson Memorial Fundraiser is being held at Meldrum House on May 19. It promises to be a great night with auction prizes, a three course meal and entertainment throughout the night.
All money raised will go to support METUPUK and Make2ndsCount, organisations that are working to increase the quality of life of those living with MBC.