The woman behind a controversial Facebook page for women to discuss men they are dating, has said it is a “good group” and a necessity.
“Are We Dating The Same Guy Aberdeen/Shire” is a private group on the social media platform that has 6,840 members.
The group says it is “for women dating someone or are in an exclusive relationship that have doubts or concerns about their partners’ fidelity.”
Speaking exclusively to The P&J, one of the groups admins, who goes by the name “Steph” to protect her identity, only took over her role “about two months ago”.
Founder had to step away due to threats from men
The previous admin team, including its original founder, stepped down from their roles due to getting “threats” from men.
“People were turning up to their addresses and threatening their kids,” Steph said, who added it was “quite rightly so” that they left their roles due to this.
“The woman who made it, I had messaged her and said, ‘look, I’ll happily take over and I’ll use a burner account’.
Steph said that she “still gets threats”, but believes she is protecting herself and her children due to remaining anonymous and using a false name and Facebook account.
The first group of its kind was set up in New York City in March 2022 and the mum thinks it has been “very beneficial” for people dating, adding: “I’m single myself, so I know how horrendous it can be, it’s like going into a pool of sharks.
‘I am willing to listen to men’
“I feel like people just have the right to know what they’re getting into, especially with other people’s experiences.”
However, despite there being positives, Steph acknowledges that the group has its negatives and downsides.
She says admins are trying to “filter out as much as they can”.
“There is obviously a lot of women who will put up posts that aren’t exactly true and will try to do it to cause problems and affect people, and there is a very fine line that we try not cross.
“I’ve spoken to many men on private messages and I have helped them. I am willing to listen, but I also have to stay very neutral.”
She adds: “If there is obviously evidence that it is an ex-partner or people who aren’t exactly telling the truth and there’s things that can back that up, I’m happy to remove posts.
“There’s been women that have been caught out doing it just solely to cause harm and to tear families apart.
“I’ve got no time for that.
“They will be removed and banned from the group.”
Steph says she “sympathises to a degree” with men who get posted on the page and “gets it’s not nice”.
“But if there’s truth behind the allegations you’ve got to take that on board and realise you are the problem.
“So it’s maybe time for you to check that behaviour.”
Men are not allowed to join group
Critics of Are We Dating The Same Guy Aberdeen/Shire say the group is “sexist” and is helping to destroy the reputations of men that are posted about, although Steph does not believe this is the case.
“Our whole team will go through the comments and and filter that.
If there’s nothing untoward, or if there’s no evidence to say otherwise that he has done such things, I’m happy to remove posts.”
Steph also believes that “regardless if it’s women or men, they should be allowed to share opinions freely.
“At the end of the day, everybody’s reality and truths are completely different,” she said, adding that men are not allowed to join the page as a “very fine line of safety”, as some of the people posting about the men are victims of domestic violence by them.
Steph “gets it to a degree” the argument that men should be allowed in in order to defend themselves.
She says she is “100%” supportive of the male equivalent “Are we dating the same girl Aberdeen/Aberdeenshire”.
“I think it’s a great thing for anybody in the dating scene, it’s ideal for everybody.”
“I don’t really just allow single women, because partners cheat, people are unfaithful, so I think it’s totally fine.”
Dating ‘horror stories’
In fact, Steph reveals that “quite a few” members have had their partners caught out through this.
And why does she continue to run this page, despite having the fear of being threatened? “People are very good at disguising who they really are and it’s a very dangerous world nowadays.
Dating’s always been scary, but I think now it’s kind of ramped up, especially for women. I don’t feel comfortable now going out dating and going on Tinder, because all it is is horror stories.”
One thing she will not stand for is children being threatened, something she says is “just not on”.
Are you a man who has been featured on the group? Get in touch to have your say livenews@ajl.co.uk
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