“I’ve tried to take my own life three times and I’ve self-harmed because of what he did to me,” the Aberdeen mum-of-two says, adding: “It’s been the longest, most difficult five years of my life.”
The 33-year-old was speaking after finally coming face-to-face with her sexual abuser Ronald McKay Gill in court and seeing him jailed for three years.
Oil worker Gill, 69, of Buckie, listened as his victim gave damning evidence against him and sat “emotionless” in the dock during his trial at Aberdeen Sheriff Court.
“It was no surprise to me that he pled not guilty,” she said.
“I was delighted when I was told there was going to be a trial. I couldn’t wait to get on the witness stand and expose this sexual predator.
“But, a week before the trial, I was crying uncontrollably for three days. I couldn’t get out of my bed.”
Speaking anonymously, the woman revealed she was the paedophile’s second victim and was targeted between the ages of four and nearly 11.
‘I believed the abuse I was suffering was an expression of love’
“I felt so confused and conflicted at the time,” she said. “At that age, I believed the abuse I was suffering was an expression of love.
“But, there were also times that I felt I had done something wrong and that the abuse was a punishment. Part of me blamed myself, feeling I’d brought it on myself.
“This was someone who was meant to show me love. Was this touching love? I didn’t want to say anything, in case I got him into trouble and he stopped loving me.”
The jury returned guilty verdicts to two of three charges concerning Gill’s lewd, indecent and libidinous practices against two young girls, both under the age of 16 at the time.
Gill’s first victim was targeted between April 1986 and April 1990 and the second one was victimised between February 1995 and February 2002.
The scenes of his crimes included locations in Aberdeen, Cullen and Spain, Aberdeen Sheriff Court heard.
Proceedings ended on May 27 2024 when a sheriff jailed the sex offender for a total of three years and made him subject to notification requirements indefinitely.
“He’s been punished for what he did,” the second victim told The P&J. “That’s given me the strength and the motivation to work hard towards having a better life in the future.
“Now, I feel a sense of freedom because I’ve spoken out about my ordeal. It’s out there instead of still being kept a secret.”
‘My mental health hasn’t been good since I was a child’
The child abuse survivor explained she wanted to share her story and have it printed in the newspaper “to raise awareness of sexual abuse and encourage other survivors to get the justice they deserve”.
The woman recalled how her life began to spiral out of control over the years as horrifying flashbacks to her abuse continued to haunt her.
“All of my life I have suffered from severe anxiety and depression,” she said, adding: “My mental health hasn’t been good since I was a child.
“During my 20s, I’d be on and off all kinds of antidepressants and it was getting to the point where I was getting flashbacks of some of the things that had been done to me.”
After she turned 29, the mum-of-two made the agonising but life-changing decision to “come out with the truth”.
First, she made an appointment with her doctor, followed by confiding in her supportive family.
Police officers took her statement in 2019, later securing a European arrest warrant in an attempt to extradite the sex offender from Spain, where he’d moved in 1988 to work offshore in Libya.
In 2021, while returning to the UK he was immediately detained by authorities at the Eurotunnel.
It marked the beginning of the end for the paedophile’s freedom and the start of a process that ended with the two women, who are now in their 30s and 40s, getting justice.
‘It’s been so hard to learn what love actually is’
However, the psychological scars he inflicted may take decades to heal, if ever, his second victim revealed.
“I’ve struggled with intimacy in relationships,” she said, explaining: “It’s been so hard to learn what love actually is.
“In my 20s, I went on a spree of sleeping with everybody. It felt more like just a transaction than anything meaningful.
“It was an easy thing to do with no feelings attached. I would just let people do what they wanted to me, and if they were happy, that was fine.
“Even today, sometimes I shut down for a period of time – not wanting to be hugged or kissed, or told that I’m loved.
“I’m grateful that my current partner is so patient and understanding,” she added.
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