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‘Please get help’: Son’s mental health plea after mum Tracy Steele dies at 50

Tracy Steele with son Lewis Milne.
Tracy Steele with son Lewis Milne.

Tracy Steele had everything to live for.

A carer who loved people, and a devoted wife and mother, she was adored by anyone lucky enough to be part of her life.

Sadly, however, personal tragedy and escalating mental health problems combined to rob Tracy’s family of a future with the ‘selfless woman who cared about everyone’.

Now, following her untimely death aged just 50, her 21-year-old son Lewis has paid tribute to his mum and is pleading with others to never give up the fight for appropriate mental health support.

He said: “Please get help… don’t stop asking, for yourself or your loved ones… before it’s too late.”

Energetic childhood

Born on September 6 1971, Tracy was the daughter to Margaret and Ian Smith, and a sister to Kenneth and half-sister Donna.

She grew up in Garthdee with her grandma and granda Balgowan, and attended Kaimhill Primary and Harlaw Academy.

Tracy had a very active childhood, joining the Girls Brigade, dancing and being part of a majorettes group.

Tracy Steele as a youngster, who was raised in Garthdee by her grandparents.

In her teenage years she also worked part-time at Pittodrie selling sweets, pies and sausage rolls. But it was her many treasured friendships that Tracy enjoyed most.

Longstanding best friend Wendy Whyte described Tracy as the fun one in their friendship group. The pair went to Sunday school together, did dishes at a local care home and enjoyed washing elephants when the circus came to town.

Working life

Upon leaving school Tracy completed a secretarial course at Aberdeen’s Commercial College. This led to secretarial work where she met Lewis’s dad, Peter Milne.

Peter and Tracy lived together in Scolty Place welcoming Lewis to their lives in 2000. Though the pair later separated she was a devoted mum to Lewis.

Tracy, pictured right, with friends during her college days.

“My mum was a very caring and thoughtful person. We’ve always been very close,” he said.

New love

In 2007 Tracy met Aberdeen snooker player Kevin Pirie.

They married in 2009 and lived in Drumoak, but just a few years into their relationship Kevin was diagnosed with cancer.

Tracy and Kevin Pirie on their wedding day.

Lewis said: “My mum devoted herself to Kev. She nursed him and cared for him at home. He sadly died in February 2014 and of course that deeply affected her but she was always very pleased that she had been able to do as much as she possibly could to look after him.”

Igniting a new passion in Tracy, caring became her profession.

In 2018 she married Malcolm Steele. A friend of Kevin’s, they moved to Chapelton, where Tracy remained for the rest of her life, very proud of her ‘immaculate’ home.

Shown in happier times at her Falls of Feugh wedding to Malcolm Steele in 2018 is Tracy, centre with sister Donna, brother Kenneth and son Lewis, to her right.

The pair enjoyed travelling and spending time with their spaniels Brodie and Odie.

Tracy also loved Lewis’ spaniel, Ollie – referring to him as her grandson.

More tragedy

In more recent times Tracy found herself back in a caring role at home.

When Malcolm received a diagnosis of dementia, she was determined to give him the best quality of life she could.

Lewis said: “For a while she worked part-time as a domestic and she also had a short spell working in a care home in Chapelton. But she always fitted her work in and around Malcolm’s needs.”

Tracy and Malcolm Steele.

It was around this time that Tracy’s own health began to decline.

“My mum had to give up work, but she continued to look after Malcolm. It was a massive thing for her when we got to the point where she wasn’t the one who could meet all of Malcolm’s needs.

“When it was decided just a few weeks ago that he needed round-the-clock care in a home… she was sad about that. She had cared for Kev until the end and wanted to do the same for Malcolm.”

Personal struggles

Though Tracy was outwardly upbeat – making fudge for friends in need of cheering up and going along to church with Wendy – her mental health began to rapidly decline.

“My mum and I are very close, although I live with my dad,” explained Lewis. “But she wasn’t well.

Tracy and her mum, Margret Morrison.

“I guess it’s not unusual that we feel a bit let down by ‘the system’ when there were such obvious cries for help over a period of months. She knew herself that she was unwell; she even told medics that she didn’t feel safe on her own.

“It’s so hard as a son… you’re powerless almost. I had to trust that all the systems in place to support those struggling with their mental health would work.

“In my mum’s case, she kind of fell through the cracks.”

Final farewell

On Tuesday May 3, after failing to answer her phone, Lewis visited his mum’s home and discovered that she had died.

“When you know someone is struggling to that extent you prepare yourself. Or you try to.

“Even still… and even as an assistant funeral director myself… it’s not easy. I’m thankful though that I was the one to be there for her.

“I was able to prepare her funeral, and celebrate her life too. She’s at peace now.”

Happiest memory

When asked how he would remember his mum, Lewis has one distinct memory.

“It was her 50th birthday. We had booked the Aberdeen Altens Hotel and she was walking around like she ran the place getting everything ready.

“It was such a great night but there was this moment – her and I were in the middle of everyone dancing to Loch Lomond or something like that… She was so free. She was able to let herself go and she was just focused in on me.

Tracy with her ‘grandson’ Ollie.

“She was so proud of me. I know that. She’s missed. Incredibly so.

“I just want to impress upon anyone reading this not to give up trying to get help. There are support groups, specialists, helplines… don’t give up on yourself or your loved ones.”

You can read the family’s announcement here.

Conversation