I awoke this morning to find a letter from my good friend Charlie, a hard-working construction worker who always travelled the extra mile in order to maintain employment.

These are his words: “By the time you read this I will be in the United States seeking a fresh start.

“As you know, I’ve always adopted the slogan ‘have trowel will travel’

and after being laid off by Stewart Milne following that unfortunate incident over the collapse of that gable end, I remembered what Donald Trump said when he started his campaign to be the American president.

“It was about keeping Mexicans out of the US.

“He said: ‘I’ll build a great wall … and I’ll build it very inexpensively.’

“I can confirm that.

“I was part of the crew that threw up that wall outside his golf course at Balmedie and it WAS inexpensive because we’re still waiting to be paid.

“If I get a start on THE wall – all 2,000 miles of it – I’ll be in work for years and maybe have enough for a membership of Trump International Balmedie, when I return to Aberdeen.

“Brickies with my experience – ah, the good times on the student flats at Powis and the apartments at Urquhart Road – will be in big demand for the wall.

“By the way, an exclusive for your paper; a guy in my digs knows a joiner who was putting on a new lock in an office in Trump Tower in New York.

“The joiner told him that President Trump is planning a shock announcement; that the next G8 summit – Putin, Merkel, Hollande, May and all the big guns – will be held in Balmedie.

“Can you imagine the dosh the Cock & Bull will make from their bar suppers?

Regards

Chuck (I’m a Yank now)”

Just joking … but then you knew that. Didn’t you?

Land of the free and home of the bonkers

The wall-to-wall TV reports from Washington DC reminded me of being in the Capitol Building, the seat of the US Congress, and preparing to take a photograph of the chamber.

“No pictures,” said the voice on my right.

“Why?” I asked the cop.

“Cos I said so … and I’ve got a gun.”

He smiled as he said it, but the gun issue reminded me what a bonkers place America can be.

Good man Len deserves respect for efforts

Aberdeen city councillor Len Ironside is to be commended for his durability in being an elected member for 35 years, which is no mean feat.

A former council leader and therefore ripe for shooting down by opponents and the media, Len always avoided criticism and managed to steer a steady course for Aberdeen, public service which brought him a much-deserved CBE.

How did he manage it? Because he’s a nice guy with in-built integrity.

If I hear any more fireworks, I think I’ll explode

Whiz, bang, boom!

Guy Fawkes Night was last Saturday as pets around the country howled the place down with fright.

And again the following night … and the night after … and so it went on.

Shouldn’t the head-bangers with the bangers have their collars felt by Pc Plod for creating fear and terror in the hearts of poor, petrified dogs after November 5?