Back in March 2020, I was shocked at the very thought of them.
Being ordered to wear face masks when we were out in public positively gave me the jandies. Me that’s a pecher at the best of times, I was feart that with my schnozzle and moo covered I wouldn’t be able to walk and breathe at the same time.
Intent on laying hands on the thinnest, most easily pech-able fabric, I on to Amazon and ordered up packets of different-coloured efforts I thought looked pretty damnt stylish. Floral and floaty, they fitted roon the lugs then, instead of going roon the chin, just dropped to a point, like a scarf.
Perfect. They wouldn’t feel too tight and constricting.
As it turned out, no, they didn’t feel too tight – because they were so loose they kept slipping off. Much worse, when in place, I looked like one of those dubious ladies from Carry On Up the Khyber. Add big, jingly earrings and it would have been Mo the belly dancer! Not the best look for a hirplin’ wrinklie.
Cloth face coverings are starting to look tired
Following most of my mates, I then went for the thicker-material eens in various snazzy patterns. But, sorry quines, even if you are colour-coordinated with your outfit, I still think they make you look like an outcast from Bonnie and Clyde’s Barrow Gang.
I hate to say this but, in worst-case scenarios, the cloth eens sometimes dinna look a’ that… How can I put this? Fresh.
Some which I’ve had the deep joy of being able to view close-up, for example on the bus, are frayed and bobbly and, aye, probably bubbly inside. Like the same een’s been worn, unwashed, for the entire pandemic. Gads.
We’re all being allowed to throw away our face coverings and, not to put too fine a point on it, sod Covid
And, just to add to the unhygienic state of these bods, when they sneeze, they tend to pull the mask doon, to allow all the germs to be Born Free. So, I’ve been wearing the disposables recommended by the health gadgies.
Don’t throw your masks away yet
But now, thanks to tartan-faced Nippy Nicky, we’re all being allowed to throw away our face coverings and, not to put too fine a point on it, sod Covid. That’s in spite of many medical experts warning the disease is still rampant and mask-burning premature.
We were, after all, doing nicely thank you in pubs and restaurants, covering up only on the way in and out. However, why should politicians let public health issues hold sway over commercial interests?
So, I’ll be joining the responsible folk who won’t be discarding their masks as from this week. I had Covid recently and I’m convinced I got it at His Majesty’s Theatre, where most of us were uncovered.
I also know folk who’ve had the virus twice and even three times. No way do I fancy catching the horrible thing again.
And I’ll stick to my plain-Jane, fresh, clean, apparently more effective disposable ones. If only everyone did.
Moreen Simpson is a former assistant editor of The Press & Journal and started her journalism career in 1970
