Calendar An icon of a desk calendar. Cancel An icon of a circle with a diagonal line across. Caret An icon of a block arrow pointing to the right. Email An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of the Facebook "f" mark. Google An icon of the Google "G" mark. Linked In An icon of the Linked In "in" mark. Logout An icon representing logout. Profile An icon that resembles human head and shoulders. Telephone An icon of a traditional telephone receiver. Tick An icon of a tick mark. Is Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes. Is Not Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes with a diagonal line through it. Pause Icon A two-lined pause icon for stopping interactions. Quote Mark A opening quote mark. Quote Mark A closing quote mark. Arrow An icon of an arrow. Folder An icon of a paper folder. Breaking An icon of an exclamation mark on a circular background. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Caret An icon of a caret arrow. Clock An icon of a clock face. Close An icon of the an X shape. Close Icon An icon used to represent where to interact to collapse or dismiss a component Comment An icon of a speech bubble. Comments An icon of a speech bubble, denoting user comments. Comments An icon of a speech bubble, denoting user comments. Ellipsis An icon of 3 horizontal dots. Envelope An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of a facebook f logo. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Home An icon of a house. Instagram An icon of the Instagram logo. LinkedIn An icon of the LinkedIn logo. Magnifying Glass An icon of a magnifying glass. Search Icon A magnifying glass icon that is used to represent the function of searching. Menu An icon of 3 horizontal lines. Hamburger Menu Icon An icon used to represent a collapsed menu. Next An icon of an arrow pointing to the right. Notice An explanation mark centred inside a circle. Previous An icon of an arrow pointing to the left. Rating An icon of a star. Tag An icon of a tag. Twitter An icon of the Twitter logo. Video Camera An icon of a video camera shape. Speech Bubble Icon A icon displaying a speech bubble WhatsApp An icon of the WhatsApp logo. Information An icon of an information logo. Plus A mathematical 'plus' symbol. Duration An icon indicating Time. Success Tick An icon of a green tick. Success Tick Timeout An icon of a greyed out success tick. Loading Spinner An icon of a loading spinner. Facebook Messenger An icon of the facebook messenger app logo. Facebook An icon of a facebook f logo. Facebook Messenger An icon of the Twitter app logo. LinkedIn An icon of the LinkedIn logo. WhatsApp Messenger An icon of the Whatsapp messenger app logo. Email An icon of an mail envelope. Copy link A decentered black square over a white square.

Moreen Simpson: Unreliable Aberdeen buses are leaving passengers in the dark – and the baking sun

Everyone has their own coping mechanisms for dealing with hot weather (Illustration: Helen Hepburn)
Everyone has their own coping mechanisms for dealing with hot weather (Illustration: Helen Hepburn)

Plottin’ did ye say? I’ll never utter the words “tsaffa cal’” again.

My heart goes out to those poor Queen’s Guardsmen outside Buckingham Palace and Downing Street, plootered under the stifling weight of those wretched bearskins. I near grat when I saw one of the forbidden-to-move soldiers, sweat poorin’ doon his face, being fed a drink.

Why in the name of all that’s merciful are they not in lighter uniforms, bearskins binned? Who needs a foreign foe when the top brass can be torturers?

I’ve been trying to follow instructions about how to keep the house cool, opening windows front and back. But really, really daren’t keep my bedroom window open overnight. I’ve this dread of some animal loupin’ in and on to my bed. Giz me the heebies just thinkin’ aboot it.

I hear you scraik: “Dinna be such a coordie, Mo. It’ll never happen.” Oh no? Well, when mum left her ground floor bedroom window open overnight one long, hot summer, she woke up to a thieving gadgie trying to climb in. More angry than feart, she rasped oot: “Scraaaam!” and he was offski. Brave lady.

I’ve been spending time with my biggest fan

The first the heat really hit me was Sunday, around 8pm. Off wi’ my claes and into a loose goonie. Still plottin’, I to the garage to dig oot my ancient fan; the one I used to be loaned by the supplies mannie at Aberdeen Journals during my constant whinging that the air conditioning wisnae workin’ right.

He aye insisted it wiz. (It wisnae.) On my last day in 2008, when I trundled it back to his office, he said I could keep it.

Crowds gathered on Aberdeen beach to enjoy the recent sunshine (Photo: Kath Flannery/DC Thomson)

It’s antique, horrendously heavy, caked in dust I canna remove. But, this week, I’ve been humphin’ it aroon wi’ me like a life-saving hospital drip. With three speeds – the highest a richt super-turbo – it fair works wonders coolin’ my fevered (amongst other things) brow.

Sadly, at top speed, it sounds like a jumbo jet takin’ aff, so if I use that watching telly, my sound has to be up to thunderous-mode. I worry my neighbours might have their windows open and… so sorry.

Has anyone seen a lesser-spotted number 23 bus?

Monday morning, a couple of jobbies to do, I loaded up with water, wet wipes and donned a floaty skirt and top. Afeart of a long wait for a bussie now there are only three drivers on First rotas, I taxied doon, did the bizz, then into Albert Street for a 23 (every 10 minutes).

I have sympathy for all of First’s passengers, not only on hot days, but throughout what looks like being a long period of timetable chaos

Sun beatin’ doon. No bench to sit on at the stop. I waited. No 23s going in the opposite direction – an ominous sign.

I checked First online to find the welcome news re cancelled services: “These will no longer be displayed on our website.” Gee, thanks. And, no, I don’t have the app.

 

The lesser-spotted green thingie finally arrived, half an hour late. By then, I was near passin’ oot, hurdies achin’. Of course, the bus was packed.

I have sympathy for all of First’s passengers, not only on hot days, but throughout what looks like being a long period of timetable chaos – particularly the old and disabled. Are we really expected to turn up at stops not knowing whether we have five minutes or three quarters of an hour to wait?


Moreen Simpson is a former assistant editor of the Evening Express and The Press & Journal, and started her journalism career in 1970

Conversation