Calendar An icon of a desk calendar. Cancel An icon of a circle with a diagonal line across. Caret An icon of a block arrow pointing to the right. Email An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of the Facebook "f" mark. Google An icon of the Google "G" mark. Linked In An icon of the Linked In "in" mark. Logout An icon representing logout. Profile An icon that resembles human head and shoulders. Telephone An icon of a traditional telephone receiver. Tick An icon of a tick mark. Is Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes. Is Not Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes with a diagonal line through it. Pause Icon A two-lined pause icon for stopping interactions. Quote Mark A opening quote mark. Quote Mark A closing quote mark. Arrow An icon of an arrow. Folder An icon of a paper folder. Breaking An icon of an exclamation mark on a circular background. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Caret An icon of a caret arrow. Clock An icon of a clock face. Close An icon of the an X shape. Close Icon An icon used to represent where to interact to collapse or dismiss a component Comment An icon of a speech bubble. Comments An icon of a speech bubble, denoting user comments. Comments An icon of a speech bubble, denoting user comments. Ellipsis An icon of 3 horizontal dots. Envelope An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of a facebook f logo. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Home An icon of a house. Instagram An icon of the Instagram logo. LinkedIn An icon of the LinkedIn logo. Magnifying Glass An icon of a magnifying glass. Search Icon A magnifying glass icon that is used to represent the function of searching. Menu An icon of 3 horizontal lines. Hamburger Menu Icon An icon used to represent a collapsed menu. Next An icon of an arrow pointing to the right. Notice An explanation mark centred inside a circle. Previous An icon of an arrow pointing to the left. Rating An icon of a star. Tag An icon of a tag. Twitter An icon of the Twitter logo. Video Camera An icon of a video camera shape. Speech Bubble Icon A icon displaying a speech bubble WhatsApp An icon of the WhatsApp logo. Information An icon of an information logo. Plus A mathematical 'plus' symbol. Duration An icon indicating Time. Success Tick An icon of a green tick. Success Tick Timeout An icon of a greyed out success tick. Loading Spinner An icon of a loading spinner. Facebook Messenger An icon of the facebook messenger app logo. Facebook An icon of a facebook f logo. Facebook Messenger An icon of the Twitter app logo. LinkedIn An icon of the LinkedIn logo. WhatsApp Messenger An icon of the Whatsapp messenger app logo. Email An icon of an mail envelope. Copy link A decentered black square over a white square.

Moreen Simpson: When nothing was going my way, the Asda gods saved the day

Online shopping has opened a whole new world for Moreen Simpson.

Moreen Simpson was all in a fluster when she forgot her roast beef, but an online Asda delivery came to the rescue. Image: Helen Hepburn
Moreen Simpson was all in a fluster when she forgot her roast beef, but an online Asda delivery came to the rescue. Image: Helen Hepburn

In his film GI Blues, Elvis sang a ditty that often pops into my heidie.

“Didja ever have one of them days, when nothing goes right from morning till night?”

Yup, I had one last week and, man, was it a stoater, showing off my qualities as a gype par excellence.

Started well when the top I’d ordered weeks ago for a do at the weekend finally arrived. Great stuff, except … wrong colour – fyuchie green instead of bonnie blue.

Shshshave-a-bandy and fit a faff having to pack it up and negotiate the Evri machine in the corner shoppie.

Deadline day for my column and needed to be quick aboot it because I’d my quine and her brood coming for their tea.

Only eight, but my grandson is a bit of a gourmet; adores his food and had requested Nana’s roast beef and tatties.

Getting my Asda delivery between 1.30pm and 2.30pm, I’d have plenty time to start cooking when the column was sent and food arrived.

Asda delivers food at the click of a button. Image: Shutterstock

Bangs awa’ on the lap-top when suddenly – fit’s afoot? – my mouse disappeared. I can hear a’ the sniggers.

Why dontcha use the touchpad? Because I can’t. Tried for years, still defeats me. End of.

Phoned my loon for help. A brief touchpad debate. Then came the conclusion my mouse had died. Needed a new one. I on and ordered from Amazon for the next day.

Meanwhile, I did battle with the touchpad. Took three times longer than usual to write and, for some reason, sent only half of it to my baffled and understandably impatient boss. Spik aboot oot in a lather.

Awaiting Asda mannie, checked my e-mailed receipt. Oh, oh. I could feel the adrenalin pumpin’.

No sign of a beef joint winging its happy way to me. Then remembered I’d been switherin’ ower two. Chopped and changed but then, obviously, forgot to settle for one.

No roast for the wee yin’s tea. No car to jump into to get one. Fit tae dee? I should just have delved into the freezer and rustled up something else. But I could see his wee disappointed facie.

So I on to the Asda website, at the speed of light chose my joint and enough to make up to £50 (loadsa wine!) then an ‘express delivery’ slot for asap, at an embarrassing cost of £8.30! Did I feel like a chump?

Would ye credit it, Fast Asda mannie arrived just as my usual Bill was unloading me.

Don’t think he’d a clue fa the other gadgie was. And I was too embarrassed to say. But it wisna a’ bad. For some reason, the superb, huge joint I got (deffo not the smaller one I ordered) was labelled just over £20, but I was charged only £6.50.

Scyooze me? Did the Gods of Asda know I’d had a bad day? And wasn’t it worth it to see the smile on my wee Toot’s facie? As for the mutant moose, my new one was delivered the next day.

Sod it, still didn’t work. Sunday my loon came to investigate. Switched the laptop on and off and ….yeehaaa!

Sez he: “Muuum, didn’t you try that first?” Feel gype strikes again.

Scandalous overspend at NHS Grampian’s new hospitals must be investigated

When all NHS Trusts are struggling with growing waiting lists and staff shortages, it’s deeply worrying to see Grampian facing a £60million gap in its budget this year.

Much of the blame for its record spending goes to the continuing dogs’ dinner that two flagship projects have become.

Originally estimated at £163million, the bill for the still unfinished Baird Family Hospital and Anchor Centre is now a staggering £261million.

When the twin schemes were first mooted in 2014, I was excited that the man who was a world-renowned pioneer of obstetrics and family planning, Sir Dugald Baird (who delivered me) and his councillor wife Matilda, were to be honoured in the naming of the city’s new maternity and women’s health hub.

However, the brave new ventures have sadly been besieged with problems.

First the initial estimates came in much higher than expected. Then Covid, and all its complications, hit at the beginning of 2020.

Since then, the main botheration factor has been issues with the water and ventilation systems, stalling construction and driving up costs.

Much as these facilities for women and cancer patients will be the new jewels in our NHS crown, at this point, they’re proving a disastrous drain on the finances of the existing health service.

We can only hope the technical problems are being solved and costs are finally stemmed. It is also essential that, eventually, there is a full examination of why there has been such a scandalous overspend.

Holly Willoughby’s bizarre performance had viewers baffled

How can I resist belly-rumbling about my two current favourite subjects?

Having said Holly Willoughby widnae show up on This Morning last Monday, I have to confess I was wrong.

But fit a bizarre show-up she was. Asking first if ‘you’ were OK? Just as if viewers had been branded by the light of her and Phil.

And her a dead-ringer for Jennifer Anniston’s Morning Show speech.

Meanwhile, I’m mesmerised by Harry, who hasn’t yet produced any evidence of his phones being hacked.

However, faced with Mirror Group ‘Beast’  KC Andrew Green, he’s a brave wee beaver to keep battling on.

Just nae sure how Meghan will cope with the revelations aboot Chelsy Davy being his one great love.


Moreen Simpson is a former assistant editor of the Evening Express and The Press & Journal, and started her journalism career in 1970

Conversation