Calendar An icon of a desk calendar. Cancel An icon of a circle with a diagonal line across. Caret An icon of a block arrow pointing to the right. Email An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of the Facebook "f" mark. Google An icon of the Google "G" mark. Linked In An icon of the Linked In "in" mark. Logout An icon representing logout. Profile An icon that resembles human head and shoulders. Telephone An icon of a traditional telephone receiver. Tick An icon of a tick mark. Is Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes. Is Not Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes with a diagonal line through it. Pause Icon A two-lined pause icon for stopping interactions. Quote Mark A opening quote mark. Quote Mark A closing quote mark. Arrow An icon of an arrow. Folder An icon of a paper folder. Breaking An icon of an exclamation mark on a circular background. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Caret An icon of a caret arrow. Clock An icon of a clock face. Close An icon of the an X shape. Close Icon An icon used to represent where to interact to collapse or dismiss a component Comment An icon of a speech bubble. Comments An icon of a speech bubble, denoting user comments. Comments An icon of a speech bubble, denoting user comments. Ellipsis An icon of 3 horizontal dots. Envelope An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of a facebook f logo. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Home An icon of a house. Instagram An icon of the Instagram logo. LinkedIn An icon of the LinkedIn logo. Magnifying Glass An icon of a magnifying glass. Search Icon A magnifying glass icon that is used to represent the function of searching. Menu An icon of 3 horizontal lines. Hamburger Menu Icon An icon used to represent a collapsed menu. Next An icon of an arrow pointing to the right. Notice An explanation mark centred inside a circle. Previous An icon of an arrow pointing to the left. Rating An icon of a star. Tag An icon of a tag. Twitter An icon of the Twitter logo. Video Camera An icon of a video camera shape. Speech Bubble Icon A icon displaying a speech bubble WhatsApp An icon of the WhatsApp logo. Information An icon of an information logo. Plus A mathematical 'plus' symbol. Duration An icon indicating Time. Success Tick An icon of a green tick. Success Tick Timeout An icon of a greyed out success tick. Loading Spinner An icon of a loading spinner. Facebook Messenger An icon of the facebook messenger app logo. Facebook An icon of a facebook f logo. Facebook Messenger An icon of the Twitter app logo. LinkedIn An icon of the LinkedIn logo. WhatsApp Messenger An icon of the Whatsapp messenger app logo. Email An icon of an mail envelope. Copy link A decentered black square over a white square.

The Flying Pigs: There’s a bittie o’ light on the horizon for Union Street

The ‘Our Union Street’ project is daein weel; they might even be taking the padlocks aff the Terrace Garden lavvies. Fit a welcome relief ‘at wid be.

This was the shocking message sent to audience members as Our Union Street staged a meeting at Aberdeen Music Hall. Image: Ben Hendry/DC Thomson.
This was the shocking message sent to audience members as Our Union Street staged a meeting at Aberdeen Music Hall. Image: Ben Hendry/DC Thomson.

The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs, written by Andrew Brebner and Simon Fogiel.

Kevin Cash, money-saving expert and king of the grips

It look like there’s a bittie o’ light on the horizon for the centre o’ toon, wi’ a packed public meeting held by the “Our Union Street” community taskforce this wik. I wiz there, of course, in my capacity as a concerned citizen. I wiz maistly concerned that they might be giving oot freebies and I didnae wint tae miss oot. Plus, it wis a free event at the Music Ha’, I wiz needing the loo and the eens at Union Terrace Gardens is still padlocked.

The Flying Pigs

And fit a meeting it wiz! It began wi’ a shock, fan they flashed up a rude word on the big screen, fit wiz a pithy summary up of the state o’ the city centre by a local. I’m probably nae allowed tae print it here but it started wi’ a ‘sh’ and it ended wi an ‘le’. And it wisnae ‘shoogle’.

The group hiv sought views fae thoosands o’ fowk aboot Union Street and hiv collated athin’, and it’s nae jist local opinion fit is dim. They also quoted a German tourist fa had come aff een o’ the cruise ships and asked if the street cleaners wiz on strike. I wiz startled by ‘at comment, cos I didnae ken we still hid ony street cleaners. But I thocht that wiz a bit cheeky. Spotless Scandinavian and German streets is a’ very weel, but here wir pavements is ingrained wi’ character, wi’ history and wi’ chuddy.

But this is a new dawn, and they hiv come up wi’ a radical new wye o’ ensuring that only the maist committed and passionate fowk sign up tae help – they’re nae gan tae pay ony of em. As you can imagine, at that point my interest in the project began to fade, but it wis quickly piqued again fan one boy at the meeting suggested that Aiberdeen’s seagulls could be trained tae pick up rubbish. It’s apparently a thing in Japan far they hiv craws fit hiv been trained tae collect litter, in return for which they get a reward.

Hundreds attended the Our Union Street meeting at the Music Hall. Image: Kath Flannery/DC Thomson.

I hiv my doots about this as a viable plan, though, cos seagulls is nae craws. Craws is famously considered highly intelligent aminals, they is the Professor Brian Cox o’ the avian world. But seagulls, files they may be cunning, is also coorse, Mair like the other Brian Cox in ‘Succession’, and ye widna bet against them taking rubbish oot the bins and chucking it aboot fan naeb’dys looking sos they can get a treat for picking it up again.

But the ‘Our Union Street’ project is daein weel, onywye. They’ret is definitely a good thing and it’s great tae see it up and running. They’re moving intae een o’ the vacant trams at Union Terrace Gardens, and this in itself is affa good news for the area. Especially if it means they’ll be taking the padlocks aff the lavvies. Fit a welcome relief ‘at wid be.

Cava Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit who goes in hard early doors

“I’m forever throwing baubles!” Old Kenny become a West Ham fan on Wednesday night (though only temperamentally, of course) as they stuck Florence and the Machine in the Euro-Diddy Conference League final. The Hammers got played off the park by the Florettes, but like all good teams they found a way to win even in despite of theirselves. The fans went full-scale mental when the young lad Bowen stroked the winner home and my sources tell me the players and staff was painting the streets of Plague red into the small wee-wee hours of the night.

Keeper Kelle Roos celebrates Aberdeen qualifying for Europe. Image: Darrell Benns/DC Thomson

The Hammers’ gaffer, David Moyes, looked like a pickled tink in some of the post-match videos I seen, but you can’t blame the man for letting his hair down. After all, before Wednesday, the biggest trophy Moyesy had ever won was the Community Shield with Man Utd – and that’s even more of a diddy cup than this thing! The rumba mill is saying that Moyzo might be a in with a shout for the vacant managerial hot-tub at Celtic, but it’s hard to see him leaving the London Stadium when he’s just achieved what is, arguably, the picnic table of his career.

Of course, The Dandy Dons have a proud European kedgeree, and if they lose their Diddy Champions’ League playoff, there’s a good chance they’ll be playing in this tournament next season. If they was able to amputate West Ham’s fantastic achievement and win this trophy, it wouldn’t be unheard of. Even though until this week I hadn’t not never heard of it.

Mental.


@FlyingPigNews