They are both at it again.
The dark forces that are trying to do down the people of these islands have been conspiring to see what else they can do to inflict misery and pain on the Outer Hebrideans.
It is hard to believe after they have done so much damage already.
We all know that they turned our ferry services into quite the sheepshow and they are still doing precious little to mitigate the effect of the cold weather here.
Nothing was ever done about discounts for people plunged into fuel poverty.
Just look at the top left of the TV weather map if you need any more proof about our weather.
Of course, it’s our confounded governments I am on about.
Having been told 10 million pensioners will lose their winter fuel payments under ridiculous plans announced by our new and nasty chancellor, Rachel Reeves, guess where pensioners will suffer most?
I gave you a clue. Did Reeves announce a discount scheme to ensure those in the north-west of Scotland would not be disadvantaged by their location? Did she heck.
I wonder if she is related to actor Keanu Reeves.
Could she go back in time like he did in the film Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure? She could go back to 450 BC and Greek philosopher Socrates. In the movie, his name was pronounced So-Crates. Yeah, Reeves should go back to that time – and stay there.
Still, the Scottish Government will step in to help. Huh. All they’re doing is working out if they can get away with slashing or abolishing the air discount scheme, which helps make living on an island possible.
It has been going for about 18 years and registered locals in the islands and in the extreme north of Scotland can get a return flight to the main Scottish airports for almost half the price. It helps a lot.
Now there is to be a “review”, supposedly to make it fairer. A “review”? We all know what that means. We have learned that just about all “reviews” by governments mean they are looking for ways to save money. Take it from the teuchters – that’s been the policy for years. We’ve suffered.
Hebridean beaches are best in the world
At any time of year, you can come across surveys of the best beaches here and there.
Now a check of the best beaches around the world has just come out and the Outer Hebrides is on the list.
Number 73 is that vast expanse of West Beach on Berneray. Not often mentioned, it is a beauty. Often in the top 10 in the UK, Luskentyre Beach on Harris is rated 92nd in the world.
Travellers to the islands are not helped by people they bump into while waiting to board a plane.
The last time it happened to me was at Glasgow Airport, where I was in a hurry to get home because the earlier flight had been cancelled.
This joker sidled up to me. He was full of fun facts about flying. I was in no mood to hear them but tried to smile at all the right places.
Then he said: “I will tell you another interesting fact. There are more passenger planes in the sea than there are submarines in the sky.” I’d had enough. He was trying to make me nervous. It wasn’t going to work. “Nonsense,” I said. “That is utter … oh wait.” He was taking the mickey.
One thing they can’t take from teuchters is the island wildlife. Take seagulls, for instance. They follow every fishing boat, they pad around harbours looking for dropped snacks like chips, and clever ones latch onto generous islanders.
One of these is Sean. He started hanging around at the back door of a certain Mr Chris Murray, the veteran rescue helicopter winchman of this parish, some weeks back.
Chris, not one to ignore a clearly hungry creature, may have tossed the odd crust towards Sean. Now Sean is almost in residence, spending his day atop the shed and angrily chasing off any other birds that think they can grace the Murray house with their presence.
Chris and his new friend Sean the seagull reminded me of a salty tale I heard recently.
A pirate walked into a pub. The barmaid asked: “Why do you have that dangerous-looking hook?” He replied: “It’s just one of these war stories. I lost my hand in a battle.” “Oh, how awful,” she says.
“And did you lose your eye there? Is that why you’ve got that eye patch?” “No,” he said, “That is because I got a wee bit of seagull poo in my eye.“
The barmaid was stunned. “What? Nobody loses their eyesight from that.”
The pirate replied: “Aye, but it was the day after I got the hook.”
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
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