The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs, written by Andrew Brebner and Moray Barber.
Struan Metcalfe, former MP for Aberdeenshire North by North East and surrounding nether regions
Your humble correspondent has been uncharacteristically quiet since the last election. Truth be told, I’ve been lying low since the good people of Aberdeenshire North by North East inexplicably decided to dispense with my services.
I have been licking my wounds, as well as some of the rather splendid gelato that they have on the Amalfi coast. I thought I deserved a good break after 10 years’ tireless public service, and am now refreshed and ready to kick on with political comment, as well as the various consultancies and non-executive directorships I was able to hoover up in the dying days of Rishi’s reign!
So I return to the political arena with – shock, horror – the news that the boy Starmer has made a decision I actually agree with!
After all the bally lefties banging on about energy profits and the ‘we’re all doomed Captain Mainwaring’ pronouncements about the Budget in October, I was thoroughly depressed about what life was going to be like in the north-east of Scotland under a Labour government.
But our new prime minister has finally seen sense and we understand he is soon to announce something that will undoubtedly change the fortunes of the north east and save thousands of jobs.
Yes, that’s right – we have reason to believe that Aberdeen is soon to become the headquarters of GB News.
Huzzah and hooray!
It’s about time we attracted The X Factor this region so richly deserves.
It’s high time this region was the home of an opinion-orientated right wing mouth piece. And I’m not talking about Andrew Bowie.
It’s been too long since the likes of top talent like Selina Scott (still the GOAT!) and Isla Traquair (be still my beating heart) graced our screens here in Aberdeen. So I say ‘welcome’ and ‘woof’ to Anne Diamond and Michelle Dewberry. And I offer a grunt of greeting and a manly handshake to Eamonn Holmes.
Their interviews are the tops. I can’t wait to cross swords with the likes of Dan Wooton and Jacob Rees Mogg as we explore and debate the most important issues of the day. Vital questions such as:
“Why is Jeremy Clarkson correct on everything?”
And
“Should Douglas Lumsden at least try and make a bit more of an effort not to dress like a tramp in Holyrood?”
So credit where credit is due. I for one, have to humbly say this…finally… finally there is something good that our new three month old Labour led government has achieved!
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