Harris was my destination on Saturday as I had heard a whisper that the long-awaited ferry MV Glen Sannox was due to arrive as part of its shakedown cruise.
No, that is not a booze cruise with extra dancing that CalMac used to lay on back in the day. It was a tour of island and west coast ports to make sure it fits the various piers.
The floating example of Scottish Government budgeting incompetency was arriving, six years behind schedule, in Tarbert. That is a vital test in case it needs to be a stand-in should any of the remaining rust-buckets in the fleet develop a problem. It has been known.
We hear it went well, and all the piers tested seemed to fit the Turkey-built ferry quite well.
It didn’t go to Uig on Skye because of the poor forecast and because that particular one may not fit as that pier has had extensive work done since a similar test was completed.
One thing, however, that emerged from the cruise was that the Glen Sannox toilets may not be capable of dealing with up to 1,000 passengers.
So now there are two questions. The question of whether the ferry is heavy enough to be stable in a Hebridean gale is one issue, and whether the toilets will even cope is a definite number two. How could they have missed that until now?
CalMac is pooh-poohing the claims the toilets are not sufficient
CalMac is reportedly pooh-poohing the claims and says only minor remedial work is needed. It is not known whether Scottish contracting shipbuilders Ferguson Marine, which delivered the ferry after delays of more than six years, had even tested the onboard sewage system at all.
I know a Rudhach, that’s someone from the Point area of Lewis of course, who had a very embarrassing experience in a ferry toilet recently. Remind me to tell you.
You may need no reminders that I am rarely happy with the way the Scottish Government treats people in the islands. More shocking news in the last week was that the steep hike in ferry fares to 10 per cent was five times what CalMac had said it needed. Any chance that the gruesome twosome of Hyslop and Swinney get to make our lives difficult, they will jump at it.
Fewer tourists will come and other traffic will also stay away. I can see small businesses folding, but that is no concern to a government that seems bent on implementing island clearances to get us to the other side of the Minch.
In other business news, Lord Leong in the House of Lords revealed that Scotch whisky was the second most productive sector in Scotland, ranked just under renewable energy, and brings £7 billion into the UK economy. Wow.
The noble lord pointed out that people across the world, in India China, and Japan, enjoy the “flavoursome” nature of Scotch whisky. He then said we should encourage more people to enjoy Scotch whisky, adding to end his speech: “I might need a stiff one after this.” I like his style.
I’m thinking of changing my name to Iain Stornoway
Meanwhile, I’m thinking of changing my name so I can have style. If yon Prince Andrew can go around calling himself Andrew Inverness, I don’t think there is any reason why the rest of us cannot do exactly the same. He doesn’t even live in Inversneggie. Oh, and if you are thinking of doing the same, I am ahead of you.
The only thing I am not sure about is whether I should go for Iain Plasterfield or Iain Stornoway? That is the question. Although I was brought up there, I think Iain Great Bernera might be just too much of a mouthful, and anyway every second guy on the other side of that west side bridge over the Atlantic is also called Iain.
Oh, thank you for reminding me. Over on the east side peninsula that is Point on Lewis, a guy was telling me about his recent experience with ferry toilets while returning from Ullapool.
Calum Point went in to do what you do and had just sat down when a very masculine voice from the next cubicle said: “Hello, it’s good to speak to you. How are you?” Embarrassed, Calum replied: “Er, I’m doing fine.” The voice then asked: “So what are you up to?” Calum tetchily said: “I am probably doing the same as you. Just sitting here, reading the Press and Journal.”
Then from next door came an unexpected request: “Can I come over?” Annoyed and somewhat shocked, Calum snapped: “No way, cove. Look, I am rather busy right now.”
The disembodied voice then said: “Listen Morag, I will have to call you back. There’s a right amadan in the next cubicle and whatever I ask you, he is answering me back.”
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides.
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