I think it was the day Trump seemed to be declaring war on Zelensky that a nurse told me I had a 21 per cent chance of dropping dead.
It wasn’t the Ukrainian crisis which was making me ill.
More to do with self-inflicted dietary abuse over the years.
This shocking statistic didn’t sink in at first.
Our conversation about my general well being drifted on.
Until my brain put the brakes on and ordered me to reverse back to check what she’d said.
“Yes,” she replied. “A 21 per cent chance of a heart incident.”
It’s a shame we were talking about a potential broken heart so soon after Valentine’s Day.
I couldn’t help but think the worst as “heart incident” meant one thing to me: popping my clogs.
Cholesterol was the culprit, but after going on statins things were looking up.
“It’s now dropped from 21 to 14 per cent,” the nurse added.
It still seemed bleak, but she urged me not to panic as it was a normal part of the ageing process.
Maybe we all need an update like this to shock us into action.
I was grateful for this care and attention from my GP nurse, given the trials and tribulations of the NHS.
I wasn’t down in the dumps for long.
“Something good will turn up,” I kept telling myself.
And it did.
To my surprise, I was the recipient of an “award” in recognition of my humble column.
It made my heart glow – just what I needed in my delicate state.
I discovered that I had received the accolade of “Biggest Abermoaner” in Aberdeen.
It came from a correspondent who complained bitterly that I was always moaning in this column.
In particular, harping on about Aberdeen council’s farcical bus-gate crisis and the SNP’s under-performance in government.
I’m afraid I couldn’t keep a straight face.
Humour is good for your health
So I laughed out loud instead, remembering that humour is supposed to be good for your health.
Even so, I couldn’t help wondering if there might be an award certificate to follow.
A badge or medal, perhaps? Or a small cash prize wouldn’t go amiss.
I wouldn’t know where to hang a certificate; maybe I could ask the student bar down the road near Aberdeen University where to stick it – or hang it in my loo if that failed.
The funniest thing about it all was that the person who nominated me so generously for this award – for being the biggest good-for-nothing moaner in Aberdeen – actually lived 25 miles away in the countryside at Alford.
He didn’t seem particularly well-qualified to comment on everyday Aberdeen life.
I cherish it nonetheless as it shows I must be doing something right.
So I’ll carry on regardless; not “moaning”, but holding the council and Scottish Government to account.
The word “Abermoaner” entered the conversational currency of Aberdeen only recently.
It’s a jibe directed at objectors more sceptical than other happy souls who think everything is rosy.
I dearly wish it was, but there are issues which need addressing.
Accentuate the positive by all means, but don’t make it a celebration of complacency.
We’re all entitled to an opinion; what happened to respect for free speech?
People don’t deserve to be called names or denied free speech by the “Aberdeniers”; oh dear, I’ve done it myself now.
The word “moaner” is a sloppy inaccuracy anyway in this context.
Abermoaners are those who hold people in power to account
The actual definition of a moaner is someone who complains continuously about things which are not important to other people.
Most issues I write about are usually of great interest to a lot of people even if they are divided, and don’t all agree with me.
Ask the hundreds of council workers who fear for their jobs if they would describe themselves as “Abermoaners”.
Ask scores of businesses put in jeopardy by strangulation from Aberdeen’s bus gates.
Ask thousands let down by the SNP over its scandalous lack of dualling of the A96.
As much as I appreciate the generosity and thoughtfulness behind the “award”, I might have to turn it down on the basis that I clearly don’t qualify.
In the meantime I’ll continue to mirror the genuine concerns of many people.
For example, there is a fundamental issue at the heart of my protestations – about Aberdeen’s bus-gates saga damaging local democracy.
It’s not about tarnishing the city, but questioning a lack of accountability which might ultimately damage its progress towards a vibrant future.
I was also accused of “hating” the SNP.
Some people are painfully thin-skinned or confused if they equate holding the government of the day to account with hate.
Have I the temerity to ask if the SNP still wants to banish our Scottish-based nuclear deterrent from independence masterplans after Trump turned our world upside down?
Sorry, I hate to moan.
David Knight is the long-serving former deputy editor of The Press and Journal
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