Facebook crashed on Monday, taking with it WhatsApp and Instagram, so the world began doing some dusting behind the computer instead of staring at it.
So many people flicked between watching TV on the box in the corner and not a computer screen, cooking a meal and even talking to other people in the house. Yay.
The outage put Mrs X so droll, she decided to go and get fish suppers – on a Monday. She came back empty-handed because she couldn’t find anywhere to park. Other households had a similar idea. Nothing else for it. We had to talk to each other.
When Mrs X and I have time on our hands, we dress up and pretend to be other people. Why do people guffaw and go nudge-nudge when I say that?
Anyway, having a bit of time to kill on Skye the other week, we put on tartan bunnets and pretended to be towrists, as we call them up here. We thought about hiring a campervan, driving slowly around the island, holding up ferry traffic to Harris and dumping rubbish by the roadside.
However, we just bought sea salt and fudge made in Dunvegan, gin made in Uig – for tasting at home sometime because it’s sober October – and some seaweed-infused beard wax made in Sconser. That last one was not for sharing with Mrs X. You probably wondered.
I now must grow a moustache, a goatee, shaggy eyebrows and stop trimming my sprouting ear and nose hair to discover how well it works. This time next year, I should have enough strands to wax so I can twiddle them pensively for an in-depth review.
Becoming a road villain
Taking the wheel of Mrs X’s Vauxhall Vivaro van, I set off from Kyleakin in our pretend sluggish motorhome, our RV or recreational vehicle, as Americans call them. RV? Yeah, road villains. I pretended to struggle in first gear up that steep hill before Sligachan.
Unlike a real holidaymaker, I let all sorts pass – arctics, tractors and even real campervans with bicycles on the back. Cycling in a Skye downpour? That’s no holiday.
Portree wasn’t busy. Plenty of parking. Parking is important in tourist destinations. Why were visitors avoiding sightseeing in the metropolis of the Misty Isle? We decided to head up to Staffin.
That A855 Portree to Staffin route is a busy road in the sunshiny months as it is the other artery on the east side if you do not wish to take the comparative autobahn that is the A87 to Uig. Yet it is a total disgrace.
Unlike Facebook, that road is unfit for purpose every day. Badly patched with a pitted surface, it has unmade passing places and unflagged posts in the road where it suddenly switches to single track. That causes violent swerves unnerving other drivers, local wildlife and passengers.
Highland Council is letting Skye down
Skye is a shop window for Scotland. Legendary, mist-shrouded peaks draw climbers, walkers, tourists, campers and every big city’s jaded masses. Having such a dire road is pitiful. What are the Skye councillors doing?
I remember the EU pumped a pile of cash into that road to get it upgraded 12 or 15 years ago. You cannot expect that help now, more’s the pity. You need to seriously pester these Invernessian mandarins to keep it maintained. They don’t care. They holiday in Dubrovnik, not Dunvegan.
Rough passing places and parking spaces were on the snagging list when the upgraded road was officially opened 10 years ago, that is in the photos. Still not been done.
Highland Council is letting itself down, letting the people of Skye down, and if it doesn’t do some work sharpish, it will let a lot of cars down where the tarmac is cracked by that bubbling bog. Parking is pretty important in a scenic area.
Parking back home in Stornoway is also difficult. On Cromwell Street the other day, I saw a guy stretched out in the gutter outside the Bank of Scotland.
Thinking he had overdone the bevvy, I peered down and asked if he was all right. He said: “Oh, yes, cove. I’m fine. I found a parking spot at last and I don’t want to lose it. I’ve sent the wife home to get the car.”