Calendar An icon of a desk calendar. Cancel An icon of a circle with a diagonal line across. Caret An icon of a block arrow pointing to the right. Email An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of the Facebook "f" mark. Google An icon of the Google "G" mark. Linked In An icon of the Linked In "in" mark. Logout An icon representing logout. Profile An icon that resembles human head and shoulders. Telephone An icon of a traditional telephone receiver. Tick An icon of a tick mark. Is Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes. Is Not Public An icon of a human eye and eyelashes with a diagonal line through it. Pause Icon A two-lined pause icon for stopping interactions. Quote Mark A opening quote mark. Quote Mark A closing quote mark. Arrow An icon of an arrow. Folder An icon of a paper folder. Breaking An icon of an exclamation mark on a circular background. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Caret An icon of a caret arrow. Clock An icon of a clock face. Close An icon of the an X shape. Close Icon An icon used to represent where to interact to collapse or dismiss a component Comment An icon of a speech bubble. Comments An icon of a speech bubble, denoting user comments. Comments An icon of a speech bubble, denoting user comments. Ellipsis An icon of 3 horizontal dots. Envelope An icon of a paper envelope. Facebook An icon of a facebook f logo. Camera An icon of a digital camera. Home An icon of a house. Instagram An icon of the Instagram logo. LinkedIn An icon of the LinkedIn logo. Magnifying Glass An icon of a magnifying glass. Search Icon A magnifying glass icon that is used to represent the function of searching. Menu An icon of 3 horizontal lines. Hamburger Menu Icon An icon used to represent a collapsed menu. Next An icon of an arrow pointing to the right. Notice An explanation mark centred inside a circle. Previous An icon of an arrow pointing to the left. Rating An icon of a star. Tag An icon of a tag. Twitter An icon of the Twitter logo. Video Camera An icon of a video camera shape. Speech Bubble Icon A icon displaying a speech bubble WhatsApp An icon of the WhatsApp logo. Information An icon of an information logo. Plus A mathematical 'plus' symbol. Duration An icon indicating Time. Success Tick An icon of a green tick. Success Tick Timeout An icon of a greyed out success tick. Loading Spinner An icon of a loading spinner. Facebook Messenger An icon of the facebook messenger app logo. Facebook An icon of a facebook f logo. Facebook Messenger An icon of the Twitter app logo. LinkedIn An icon of the LinkedIn logo. WhatsApp Messenger An icon of the Whatsapp messenger app logo. Email An icon of an mail envelope. Copy link A decentered black square over a white square.

Frank Gilfeather: Scotland’s ambulance crisis is a nightmare we can’t wake up from

The Army were recently called in to assist with Scotland's ambulance crisis (Photo: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire)

The scenario was too real to be imagined. I lay in some sort of vehicle; my mind hazy, my vision blurred.

A man had his head leaning out of a window he’d just slid open. “Nee-naw, nee-naw,” he sang at the top of his voice in unison with tinkly music that sounded like La Cucaracha.

A badge on his shirt helpfully told me his name: Mr Whippy. I looked up from my horizontal position as two men appeared on each side of me, one wearing a Glengarry.

One took a chocolate flake from a jar labelled “for 99s”. “We’ve been rushed off our feet, hence your very long wait,” he said. “Would you like a cone?”

I shook my head and asked: “Am I in an ice cream van?” “Yes,” he replied. “Every vehicle of this size has been commissioned by the Scottish Government to fix the ambulance problem.”

The other man, resplendent in a smart navy blue uniform and a peaked cap, nodded confirmation as the nee-naw guy began to cough and splutter and sound hoarse.

“I hate to have to tell you this,” he said, “but Public Health Scotland has reported that 1,410 people spent more than 12 hours waiting to be seen in A&E in August, while 5,460 were there for eight hours or more.

“It could be tomorrow before a doctor sees you. Nicola’s NHS is crumbling.”

‘It’s all hands to the pump’

I was aware that the Police Federation in Scotland had announced some of their officers were called upon to transport patients to hospital in police vehicles, a claim the SAS – Scottish Ambulance Service, not the Who Dares Wins lot – denied. “One of us is lying,” sang Abba (the Amalgamated British Bobbies Association).

Health Secretary Humza Yousaf called in extra help from the Army (Photo: Andrew Milligan/PA Wire)

I recalled that the Scottish Government target for 95% of patients to be admitted, transferred or discharged within four hours had not been met nationally since July 2020. But hadn’t Scottish health secretary Humza Yousaf called in the army to help ease the backlog of those waiting, often in pain and discomfort, for an ambulance?

It was a query I put to the man in the Glengarry as I was being wheeled along a hospital corridor. I saw he was wearing a kilt. “We’re in our respective armies,” he said, before pointing at his colleague. “He’s in the Salvation Army and I’m a fully paid-up member of the Tartan Army, ready to cheer on Scotland aainst Israel on Saturday. It’s all hands to the pump.”

By then, the nee-naw man was silent and had an oxygen mask on his face. I woke up from my Scotland 2021 nightmare.


Read more by Frank Gilfeather: