Nicola Sturgeon must feel as if she’s in one of those horror movies where the walls – with spikes – are closing in on her.
Like a magician of the Tommy Cooper variety where all the tricks go wrong, the first minister has to stand in front of the spotlight, smile and pretend everything is going well.
The pesky questions over the Alex Salmond inquiry persist, while a little and largely unknown group of MSPs – the Greens – ride to the rescue of deputy first minister John Swinney, caught in the headlights over the missing documents business.
He can’t seem to lay his hands on notes of meetings involving counsel, Scotland’s top civil servant and the first minister about their discussions surrounding Salmond. You can almost hear his panic: “They were here; I’m sure they were here. But I can’t find them.”
Sounds like Tommy Cooper’s made them disappear.
We could suggest that this is community council government, but that would be an insult to those people who sit on those august bodies.
It is therefore unsurprising that a new poll has tipped the balance against Indyref2.
Yet, the grisly tale gets worse.
Like the two SNP MPs, accused of sexual harassment and who, it’s alleged, are being protected by the party.
Further layers of this story will be peeled off in the coming days.
Then there’s the controversy surrounding the revelations by Rangers FC that the MSP for their constituency that takes in their Govan home failed to engage with the club regarding potential problems that might arise should their team be declared Premiership champions last weekend.
Govan is, of course, Ms Sturgeon’s patch.
So, what we saw from Gers supporters resembled scenes from Hong Kong’s pro-democracy movement protesting against China’s draconian new laws to tighten their grip on the former British colony.
Except the venue was George Square, Glasgow, where the police were impotent for fear that a heavy-handed intervention might see red stuff spilled on the ground, and it wouldn’t have been sweet and sour sauce.
Meanwhile, Mr Swinney revealed that “the government’s extreme disappointment will be made clear to the team management”.
The Rangers counter-punch was decidedly harder.
They categorised the constituency MSP’s “failure to engage” as “a lack of leadership and a dereliction of duty”. Final score: Rangers 1, SNP Government 0.
Meanwhile, we can almost hear the laughter from 54-62 Lockhart Road, Wan Chai, the address of the Hong Kong Rangers Supporters’ Club where membership costs a mere 1,000 local dollars a year, just over £93.
Maybe they can have a whip round to help Glasgow City Council with the cost of the clean-up operation at George Square.
Fair play for MSP’s honesty on mistakes
It’s that time again when departing MSPs begin to wind down their time at Holyrood by making their final speeches before heading off for pastures new.
Some of the electorate could be forgiven for wondering who most of them are and what they achieved during their time there.
I was taken by the remarks of Mark McDonald, Aberdeen Donside, who apologised for his inappropriate behaviour surrounding text messages he sent to a woman in 2017.
Mr McDonald could have glossed over that incident which ruined his career and saw him leave the SNP, but he didn’t.
And that took courage, for which he is to be commended.
Mr McDonald admitted he made poor decisions in his time at parliament and hurt and upset people by his actions which had caused him immense regret and sorrow.
He is on record as having twice admitted trying to take his own life in the wake of the scandal and, while he hasn’t mentioned it, he must feel disappointed that he was not afforded the same kind of support from colleagues in his party as others currently enjoy.
Still, he has much more than they could offer; a strong and loving family who stood behind him.
Strachan must top list for hot seat
The guessing game has now started.
Who will succeed Derek McInnes as the Dons manager?
I liked the suggestion made to me that Gordon Strachan would be a more than reasonable appointment. He, like many potential candidates, have one thing in common, they’re currently unemployed, although Strachan and many others touted for the job won’t be on Universal Credit just yet.
Club chairman Dave Cormack’s phone will be red hot just now from agents representing a long list of “gie’s a job” coaches.
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