Living north of the border has saved me some money.
I reckon if I was down south, I would have had to buy a top hat, a chair and a whip. Then, like circus lion tamers from days of yore, I could control the virus no bother.
All it would take is shoving the chair into the bug’s snarling jaws, a few cracks of the whip and the odd shout of “back you beast!” and I’d have it on a sparkly podium doing tricks sooner than you can say Covid-19.
Which is, of course, abject nonsense. But then so is the advice that Boris has inflicted on the yeomanry of England. Get back to work, but don’t, unless you are a workie on a building site, but if you do don’t use public transport, oh and you can play cricket with your family in the park, just not go and see your granny in her care home. Crystal clear.
And I bet our pals south of the border are super glad to be advised to stay alert. Mind you, I do tend to be alert about the imminent threat of death. Part of being a rational human being, really.
Although I’m just not terribly sure how folk down there are supposed to be alert for an invisible illness that can be carried by people with no symptoms, with limited testing and no vaccine. I wish our neighbours to the south good luck with that.
What I find particularly puzzling is that Boris’s henchmen seem to have lost their touch. After all, they are the wizards of the three-word slogan. “Take back control” and “Get Brexit done” were, it has to be said, masterful mantras to beguile the target audience. Clear, concise and with a simple message for those looking for simplistic affirmation of their world view.
“Control the virus” is none of the above. It is a vague statement that puts the onus back on the English public to “stay alert” but without the clear guidance or tools to do that. So, when the coronavirus ramps up again in England, Westminster can shrug and say, “You didn’t stay alert enough, it’s your fault, not ours.” Oh, and there’s that herd immunity they were after.
Thank goodness then, Holyrood is having none of it. Cue the usual frothing about how the UK Government trumps the Scottish one and Boris is the boy we’ll obey. Sigh.
For those in that camp, are you willing to follow the guidance and advice for dealing with coronavirus that Germany is giving out? No. Of course not. Why would you follow the rules of a different country at a different stage of the pandemic? Now, follow that logic through, if you will. So, please, let’s all remember that Boris’s advice is for England only. Thankfully Scotland has clear and sensible guidance which we need to follow – stay at home, protect the NHS, save lives.
This article originally appeared on the Evening Express website. For more information, read about our new combined website.