Picture the scene: it’s the delivery room in a maternity hospital near you in 2020.
The midwife approaches a new mum who has just given birth.
“Congratulations; you have a baby,” she announces.
“Yeah, I guessed that,” the sweating, over-wrought patient replies.
“My bump’s gone for a start and the condescending and interminable instructions to push have stopped.
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
“Oooh, sorry,” says the midwife. “Not allowed to say; gender equality, and all that.
“Let’s just say you’ve given birth to a person; a baby person.”
Having learned Aberdeen City Council education bods are considering scrapping the positions of head boy and head girl in favour of “head pupil” due to gender equality regulations, we must assume the politically-correct police have flipped.
Hang on, didn’t we once hear that pupils were insisting on being called students?
Under the Equalities Act and the Gender Equality Duty which arises from it, schools are required to show they are eliminating unlawful discrimination and harassment, and promoting equality between women and men.
But where will these laws leave institutions like the House of Lords, er Ladies – I mean humans?
I visualise the re-titling of books and movies as well, although Our Person in Havana and 007 in The Person with the Golden Gun don’t have the same ring.
Mind you, the police and fire services were ahead of the game.
Where once we had policemen and women we now have police officers, while firefighters have replaced firemen.
So, when is a man a man and a woman a woman?
God only knows; though I think she’d shake her head at all this nonsense.
This article originally appeared on the Evening Express website. For more information, read about our new combined website.