The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs.
View From The Midden with Jock Alexander
It’s been a monarchical wik in the village. Ab’dy has been verra much enjoying the Jubilee celebrations oot here, wi’ the pub full of folk and empty of booze. It ayewiz maks me chuckle that folk fa widna usually gie a fig about the royal femily are suddenly a’ in favour o’ it cos they’re getting twa extra days aff their work, because o’ someb’dy fa disnae work.
But, michty, fit aboot the Queen’s mid-air drama, fan lightning forced her jet tae abort its landing efter leaving Aiberdeen? I thocht it wiz unusual weather for this part o’ the world and, sure enough, Feel Moira wiz spotted at the time o’ the incident, hinging fae the village church spire wi a fishing rod.
However, the Queen’s plane touched doon safely in London. This wiz good news for Her Maj, but bad news for Feel Moira, fa had been trying tae divert the plane tae land here, thinking on the publicity we’d get fae haein Her Majesty as a vees’tor, the resultant tourist trail and ab’dy getting their ain “by royal appointment”.
However, even wi’oot a personal appearance, celebrations hiv been ongoing. We’ve hid a street party, and fireworks, but the highlicht wis fan a’ the coos paraded through the village in a bovine recreation o’ the Trooping the Colour. It wiz jist like the real thing, except the dominant colour wiz sharny broon.
We looked jealously on at the big beacons fit were lit at locations across the country, including ootside Marischal College in Aiberdeen. We didnae hae a big beacon tae set alight but, luckily, Skittery Wullie’s barn went on fire fan een o’ the Catherine wheels got loose and rolled inside. So, ab’dy cheered that files it burned doon.
All in all, then, it did us good tae get the bunting oot. Weel, all except Skittery Wullie. He hid tae be treated for smoke inhalation, seeing as we’d stored the bunting in his barn.
Cheerio!
J Fergus Lamont, art critic
Astounding scenes were abroad in the art world this week, as the Louvre in Paris saw one of the most stunning Dadaist “happenings” I have witnessed.
The Mona Lisa was “attacked” by a visitor, who leapt out of a wheelchair whilst disguised as an old woman, flung flowers at the crowd and then smeared cake across the glass, just below the famously enigmatic smile of da Vinci’s masterpiece.
An installation of this kind often has much to say – but, in its kaleidoscope of references for the cognoscenti, with shades of Mrs Brown’s Boys, Dame Edna Everage, Little Britain, and The Great British Bake Off, this was clearly a commentary on the current government’s shameless attacks on public service broadcasting.
The protective glass of the Mona Lisa painting at The Louvre was caked today by a man dressed up as an elderly woman in a wheelchair. pic.twitter.com/g8uaQZ1wPp
— Pop Base (@PopBase) May 29, 2022
Still, as all art is open to interpretation, some commentators have suggested that the artist was undertaking a climate change protest. Presumably at da Vinci himself, whose drawing of a prototype helicopter design eventually led to mass air travel and its resultant pollution.
Regardless, so moved was I by this audacious work that I was propelled to make my own by recreating it within the familiar environs of Aberdeen Art Gallery. However, whilst attempting to remove a cream scone from the cafe’s homebakes tray, I was advised of the price.
I wept.
Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit whose crest has well and truly fallen
Most seasons, Old Kenny dreads the summer break from football – this year it could not quick soon enough! The Dons has had a stinker and, after last weekend, being reminded that they is still the last team to beat Real Madrid in a European final only shows to go how far The Reds has sunk into the drumdolls.
We’ll never have a better chance – especially when the opposition had Matt Bianco at centre half
Then, on Wednesday night, the Tartan Army was on the edge of their tenterhooks when Ukraine rolled into town for the World Cup playoff semi. Expectations was high, with all the disruption the Ukraine boys has had to deal with and how decent Stevie Clarke has got Scotland playing, but it’s the hope that kills you, and it’s fair to say that Scotland was absolutely hopeless!
As a man in his skylight years, I has enjoyed many a Scotland World Cup adventure in the past, but I’m beginning to think that anyone under the age of 25 is never going to see it happen in their lifestyle.
We’ll never have a better chance – especially when the opposition had Matt Bianco at centre half. But Scotland never got out of their lazy beds and, whenever Ukraine got a sniff of goal, they went Wap Bam Boogie!
But, we finds ourselves in the strange position that, while we very much wanted to stuff them, we did not begrudge them their victory one Iona. Never has football had so much in common with the Eurovision Song Contest.
- See The Flying Pigs live in The Rothienorman Picture Show at HMT Aberdeen from September 21 to 24
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