At first, my head was on my hand, a bit like The Thinker by Auguste Rodin (pronounced: “oh-gusty Rhoda”).
That wasn’t comfortable, though, as I had to put my head on its side.
You see, I have had eardrops splashed into my lughole, and now I must stay with my head like this for ages. If I don’t, the eardrops might leak out again. So, I am writing this with my head on the desk, the laptop on its side, and sucking cola from a straw.
Then, when I am sure the eardrops have dribbled down all the way to my brain, or wherever they are going, I must wait a bit more before turning round and repeating the process of deluging the other ear.
It’s all because I have excess waxiness in there, and it could be affecting my hearing. Sorry, if you are having your breakfast.
Around 12 years ago, I had this process done by a doctor wielding a syringe, and my hearing improve a lot after that. Hopefully, it will now, too. Deafness is a worry. I hope this works. Otherwise, I think it’s an ear trumpet for me.
Back to adversarial politics
Which reminds me of how much trumpeting is going on in the country at the moment. Nicola Sturgeon may trumpet a new independence referendum by next year. With everything else that is going on, do we really need the spectacle of Scottish and UK politicians kicking lumps out of each other, Brexit-style? Ah, adversarial politics. Don’tcha just love ‘em?
This is going to sicken most of us. After everything that has happened in the last three years due to the Westminster cabal’s incompetency and their couldn’t-care-less attitude about us Scots, I am now not that bothered about the result.
But, how often should they – and I mean all sides in this – be allowed to put us through this grotesque, mud-slinging, with strings of promises that will never see the light of day? It’s now becoming a habit.
Always remember to look before you wave
Just like waving at friends’ cars is a habit. That is a habit which is getting embarrassing, too. Because I am on the road doing deliveries every morning, I tend to see the same people quite often. So, I wave, or at least lift a finger off the steering wheel each time, because I am a nice person.
The problem comes when they change their vehicle. Mrs X, who I call my trainee assistant at work, often notices it first and asks: “Who is that person in the white car waving at us?” I declare I have no idea. Dodgy people, they must be after something.
Then we see Donnie’s van and we wave. No response. Ooh, Donnie has become full of himself, we decide. He’s too proud to wave at us anymore, we surmise. Then, we found out that Donnie had sold his van and now drives a white car. Yep, he is the driver we had decided was dodgy.
Oh, heck, who have I been waving at? And did they think I was dodgy and after something?
It’s a nightmare. If no one tells you they have changed their mode of transportation, you are not going to know.
Sorry to my niece, too. She’s easy to spot in her tiny Fiat 500. She waves back, always.
When I spoke to her dad the other day, he told me how she had sold the Fiat a while back. She has another larger wagon now. Oh, heck, who have I been waving at? And did they think I was dodgy and after something?
Like Nicola Sturgeon is after something. News just in… she is going for it. Another indyref.
She is even willing to have talks with the PM. That’s a big price to pay, FM. Take your wee purse and get ready to buy a big kerry-oot from the Co-op in the Strand if you’re going to visit 10 Downing Street. No, not silly. Sue Gray has confirmed that has been happening.
Check your ears
Like I said, my ears are a worry. Deafness can be a problem, particularly if you have other medical conditions at the same time.
For instance, a 90-year-old man from Harris was sent to Western Isles Hospital to get a series of check-ups at the beginning of the year. A few days later, the consultant who had examined him saw him walking along Cromwell Street in Stornoway with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
At the Hearach’s next appointment, the doctor said: “I saw you in town last week. You’re really doing well, aren’t you?” The bodach said: “Well, I am only doing what you told me to. You said to get a hot mama and be cheerful.”
The doctor replied: “No, I didn’t say that. I said you’ve got a heart murmur, so be careful.
“Now, let’s do a hearing test.”
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
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