The Flying Pigs: Liz Truss is least bad option for Prime Minister

By The Flying Pigs

September 10 2022, 6:00 am

The Flying Pigs have their say on new Prime Minister Liz Truss

The latest topical insights from Aberdeen musical sketch comedy team, The Flying Pigs.

View From The Midden, with Jock Alexander of MTV

Its been a transitional wik in the village. This wik, somedee that we had previously thoucht o’ as being a bittie lacking in the necessary competence and gravitas hs nevertheless fallen upwards into a prompted position of the utmost importance. At’s richt, Feel Moira’s noo in cherge o’ the cake stall at the WI. Notwithstanding the fact that her rhubarb tarts last month caused a wave o’ botulism.

But aside fae her, somedee new is in 10 Downing Street, cos the bumbly Boris is oot and Least-Bad-option Liz is in. In a case of the blonde leading to the blonde. Naturally, I am fairly weel disposed tae onyb’dy for fa the mugical subject o’ UK pork markets his the effect o’ producing a look o’ gormless delight, so fair play tae her and the shadowy forces working the controls.

I am nae a political aminal, ye ken. The last time I dealt wi a new truss was fan Skittery Wullie had trouble wi’ his sciatic hernia.

This een wid hae tae fairly ging her dinger tae be as unpleasant as that een, but it’s early days.

So fit’s she a’ aboot? Weel I tuned in tae watch her first speech ootside number 10 and saw an empty lectern wi’ a bin bag ower it, flapping aboot in the rain, and michty aye, that did seem tae sum up the state o things.

I tuned in tae watch her first speech ootside number 10 and saw an empty lectern wi’ a bin bag ower it, flapping aboot in the rain, and michty aye, that did seem tae sum up the state o things.

Still, Truss did say we’ll get ”spades in the ground” tae mak sure people are nae facing unaffordable energy bills. I’m nae sure fit wye digging holes is gan tae help. Unless she’s expecting us tae bring up wir ain coal. But at least she’s keen.

Onywye, efter the speech, The auld Cabinet got demolished faster than the een in my scullery efter skittery Wullie brocht his bull wi’ him as an emotional support animal fan he came roon for his fly.

A’ the itherwise unemployable weirdos fit Boris had put in cos they were his chummies hiv been gien the dust and replaced by fresh, new, enthusiastic weirdos fa she’s put in cos they’re her chummies. It’s almost as if it disnae metter fa’s in charge.

Still, silver linings, I see there’s nae ‘Minister for Brexit Opportunities’ ony mair.

Presumably because we’ve hid them a’.

And now Truss has unveiled her great energy plan, for is borrowing mair money so we can hae a twa year cap on energy bills rising. Good news for consumers; bills are only gan up tae massively extortionate instead o’ really massively extortionate.

But even better news for the energy companies. They love tae be at the cutting edge o’ technology, so they must be delighted that their profits are noo being paid for by the future.

Onywye, despite athin it is good tae see sic a diverse cabinet; a marvellous example fit shows we are increasingly a nation o’ equality, far onyb’dy, regardless o’ gender, race or creed can occupy een o’ the great offices of state, and mak an erse oot o’t .

Cheerio!

Tanya Souter, lifestyle guru

I dinna ken about yous, but I just love it fan programmes on the telly keep up with modren times. Some nay-sayers cry it “woke nonsense”, but as far as I’m concerned “woke me up before you go go!”

It all started in Brookside, fan Anna Friel sooked the face aff her pal Margaret. Snogging had been exclusively boy/girl afore Channel 4 showed us that same-sex kissing was perfectly normal. Just like burying your husband aneth yer patio.

So yous can imagine how happy I wiz fan I saw the latest TV staple tae join the woke brigade. I wiz round at Big Sonya’s looking efter her bairn Demi (fit means pitting on the telly til her files I hae a look tae see if there’s onyb’dy new worth checkin oot on Tinder) and on comes Demi’s favourite show, Peppa Pig.

Sonya’s bairn Demi’s favourite show Peppa Pig

Peppa went tae see her pal Penny Polar Bear and it turns oot she’s got twa Mum’s! I just think it’s great tae show young kids that it’s perfectly normal for twa female polar bears tae shak up thegither!

Of course, the rest o’ the show wis a far cry fae reality. If a Polar Bear did come face tae face with a wee pig, it wid tear it tae shreds in a bloodthirsty frenzy. And there’s nae wye Mummy Pig wid stay wi’ a gype like Daddy Pig fan yon hot bit o’ stuff, Mr Fox lives jist doon the road!