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Iain Maciver: The schoolboy who rebelled in Stornoway is now King

King Charles driving whilst in his final year at Gordonstoun School, in 1967 (Photo: Peter Jolly/Shutterstock)
King Charles driving whilst in his final year at Gordonstoun School, in 1967 (Photo: Peter Jolly/Shutterstock)

So yon wee guy who, at the age of 14, caused so much upset here in Stornoway by losing his detective in the Crown Hotel and downing cherry brandy is now King. Cheers, sir.

The kid in a stiff collar had sailed in on the Pinta, a Gordonstoun School sailboat, on June 17, 1963. It was illegal, of course, for anyone under 18 to be served hooch of any kind, but some of the older lads decided on a quick snifter before catching a flick at the Playhouse. Stiff Collar tagged along.

He asked for something mother had let him taste at a hunt, as you do. Barmaid Christine Matheson was confused. “A cherryade? No? Oh, a cherry brandy? Hmm, I’m not sure if… Oh, wait, there’s a bottle left over from Christmas.”

She had no idea how old he was. A news reporter was also in the bar. She recognised the posh kid from the Pinta and saw him swigging it back. The notebook came out.

A national scandal ensued, and Donald Green, the detective assigned to look after him, lost his job. P45. Just like that. Green thought he had been treated unfairly.

Young Charles sympathised and gave him a farewell gift. A bowl. Really? It was actually his first attempt at pottery, and possibly had some value. The prince said to his former detective: “I’m sorry. I hope we’ll stay friends.”

A new Lord of the Isles

You know, I am not so sure our monarchy will be so friendly or popular after all the fuss dies down. Although much has been said about the dedication and service of the Queen, the fact is that she drew praise because of her likeability, discretion and avoidance of controversy. Not many others coming down the tracks can do that easily.

Not being a supporter of undemocratic privilege anywhere in the world, I do think respect is warranted for her patience, persistence, perseverance with the smell of freshly-painted white rocks and walls wherever she went. Yet, I fear we’ll now lose the qualities in a monarchy that kept us silent on the unfairness of it all, while so many of us commoners rely on foodbanks to feed families and have little hope of paying the next electricity bill.

The MV Lord of the Isles (not to be confused with Prince William).

A major unfairness up here is unreliability of our ferries. Here he goes again. Yep. This Scottish Government hasn’t cared about them or kept them properly maintained. Our ferries are now so unreliable, hardly a week goes by without cancellations and delays.

So, when someone on TV said Scotland was going to get a new Lord of the Isles, we cheered here. Then I learned that we are just getting a new prince holding the title, Lord of the Isles.

Shush. Have respect, Maciver, I hear you roar. Sorry, dear reader

So Prince William, also the Prince of Wales, is now named after the CalMac ferry, Lord of the Isles, plying between Mallaig and Armadale and between Mallaig and Lochboisdale.

Shush. Have respect, Maciver, I hear you roar. Sorry, dear reader. He is also, of course, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland. And, er, I think that’s it.

What else is going on in the world?

It’s also unfair that we are not getting much news just now about the rest of the world. There are good people and bad people in America. Sadly, an extremist faction calls out a republican who is not extremist enough as RINO. They mean Republicans In Name Only.

Meanwhile, Keir Starmer is against Labour ministers and members standing with workers on picket lines. So that makes Starmer a LINO.

Whole news bulletins replace shows and are given over to bizarre commentary on people walking while looking solemn. It’s all a bit Korean, to be honest. Meanwhile, incredible things are happening in Ukraine. Municipal deputies, like our council leaders, throughout Russia are calling for Vladimir Putin to quit for his failed, violence-based ideas.

News coverage of the Queen’s death has been constant in the UK. Photo by Andrew Milligan/PA Wire

The postponed moon rocket mission was postponed again and, when I last checked, was due to blast off from Cape Canaveral in the early hours of today. Ah, Cape Canaveral – back in our lingo after a gap of nearly 40 years, when the US had a pioneering space program and Scotland had an adequate ferries programme.

Scotland may yet join the space race, with rockets being developed for Morayshire and Shetland. Imagine King Charles III inspecting the first rocket base.

The chief astronaut squeezes him and his stiff collar into a space capsule. He is shown the control desk with its computer screen. The astronaut says if he wants anything, just follow the computer instructions.

After a while, the King clambers out shaking his head. They ask what is wrong. He says: “I fancied a wee drink so I pressed the computer button marked Space Bar. Nothing came out when I asked for cherry brandy.”


Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides

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