Maybe one day, we’ll have to begin averting our gaze from the more deliberate trolls who we have to endure, writes Colin Farquhar.
I can’t believe I’m ending the year like this, but, I’m sorry – I hate Jeremy Clarkson.
I’ve always hated him. I couldn’t bear a further moment of carrying around my hatred unuttered. I couldn’t enter 2023 without communicating it to all. I need my Jeremy Clarkson hatred released before we reach the New Year.
I hated him before he hated Meghan Markle. I hated him before he hated Mexico and India. I hated him before he hated Gordon Brown, and lorry drivers. And I hated him before he punched that TV producer who he hated.
I’ve also hated him beyond his apology for his recent opinion column. The excerpts channelling a bizarre Game of Thrones metaphor really made waves. The piece is now removed, I can assure you that most of it was just as offensive as the more famous lines. I can also assure you: I hated the whole thing.
That Clarkson only apologised for the bit that went around on social media shows you how hollow the apology itself is. The full column is laced with misogyny.
He calls Prince Harry a “ginger glove puppet”. He has also clearly dedicated a lot of time to watching the Harry & Meghan documentary on Netflix; a peculiar exercise in self-flagellation for a man who claims to hate Meghan quite so much.
Clarkson will offend again
He’s been at this stuff for years, of course – previously and famously on a weekly TV show about cars, until he went too far by committing the aforementioned assault. On that occasion, someone, at last, hated him back enough that he was sacked.
In the week between Christmas and New Year, seven or eight Christmas films under my belt and several delicious and overindulgent meals above it, I probably hate Clarkson most of all: attempting to round the full radiance of my hatred before I choose to let it go forever. Now published, my hope is that my hatred is fully satiated.
The further worry is that Jeremy does something next year to make me hate him all over again. But, therein lies the rub. He will absolutely do just that.
There’s a line in his column about Meghan on her consideration over a move to New Zealand, and why it would never happen, “as New Zealand is nine hours away from everything”. The implication being that she needs attention like oxygen. Luckily for Clarkson, there are always red-top column inches nearby, so he can get his.
Misogyny should be called out
Clarkson, and many of the same ilk, very deliberately pick topics designed to inflame passions. It helps sell papers, but it also helps pals of a political persuasion, providing cover while they commit failure after failure, or run to the bank.
The more sensible of us feel it is our duty to rail against these things. Rightly so. Misogyny should be called out when we see or read it.
One day, as unfortunate as it now sounds, we may have to learn not to hate Clarkson, or at least thoroughly ignore him
But, maybe one day, we’ll have to begin averting our gaze from the more deliberate trolls who we have to endure. One day, as unfortunate as it now sounds, we may have to learn not to hate Clarkson, or at least thoroughly ignore him.
I, obviously, can start not hating him from the moment my apology for this column lands. Hopefully, I can find the right words, just like Jezza, to dampen any hurt I may have caused.
“I’m sorry to anyone who may have found my article on hating Jeremy Clarkson offensive,” I’ll write. “I felt it was clear that my hatred for Jeremy Clarkson was tongue-in-cheek,” I’ll say. “At least I said ‘I’m sorry’ in the first paragraph,” I’ll shriek.
Let’s let go of the hatred, Jezza
Much of the post-column commentary has been around how Clarkson’s piece was published in the first place. How did it get through editorial, or how did no one come to realise that the piece was so offensive in the first place? I suppose the goalposts are different with Clarkson; everything measured against how offensive he might have been the week before.
Anyway, in 2023, I’ll try not to hate Jeremy Clarkson. It’ll be my New Year’s resolution. I’ll score a cross through each day of the calendar – another day of not hating Clarkson.
Oh dear. I’ve rather put my foot in it. In a column I wrote about Meghan, I made a clumsy reference to a scene in Game of Thrones and this has gone down badly with a great many people. I’m horrified to have caused so much hurt and I shall be more careful in future.
— Jeremy Clarkson (@JeremyClarkson) December 19, 2022
Hopefully, Jeremy can keep the peace. Following the removal of the rubbish he wrote, he said he’d “be more careful in future”. Let’s agree to that, you and I both, Jezza.
Let’s let go of the hatred, and try to be kinder in 2023. We could both write articles next festive season about someone we love, instead.
We can draw a line under it for what it was meant to be; tongue-in-cheek, only a laugh, good old-fashioned fun – a misconstrued metaphor. Not even an ounce of hatred in it.
Happy New Year.
Colin Farquhar is former head of cinema operations for Belmont Filmhouse in Aberdeen
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