We’re not going to talk about Prince Harry or the cost of living, writes Iain Maciver – let’s focus on good news instead.
It was the lady in the washing powder aisle who collared me and told me to write about good news this week.
OK, there must be something. Harry? Er, no. The cost of living? You’ve got to be kidding.
Wait, the ban on old-fashioned fly spray, hairspray and fridges is working. That’s the latest news from the United Nations.
Remember 1987, when we were told to stop using sprays or freezers containing chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs), which were in spray cans, fridges, foam insulation and air conditioners? They were eating away at the ozone layer.
Then we got, er, different sprays for sale in the shops which, we were told, would not damage the ozone layer. Guess what? The change is working.
The ozone layer is a thin part of the earth’s atmosphere that absorbs most of the ultraviolet radiation from the sun. It filters out the nasty rays that can seriously burn us. These bad gases, the CFCs, were damaging it, and now it is getting better and fixing itself. That is good news. One down.
Rocket failure brought us back down to earth
Still on what’s up there above us, I am a newsy geek about space. I need to know what is happening, when, why and how much it’s costing. So, I was aquiver when, on Monday night, it looked like the first ever orbital space launch from UK soil was happening down in Cornwall.
Yeah, I wished I was there, standing beside Richard Branson and asking him how he felt. It’s what journos do.
Thanks all for your kind birthday messages. I wish you all the best 2023, wherever you are in the world. Also wishing success to Virgin Orbit with tonight’s rocket launch. The 747-400 being used is an aircraft I remember flying on in the 90s! Fly High you ‘Cosmic Girl’. J xxx
— Jamiroquai (@JamiroquaiHQ) January 9, 2023
Thousands of other space geeks flocked to Newquay to see the modified Boeing 747 with the name of Branson’s record company, his internet provider company, and the former Clydesdale Bank on its fuselage.
It was to take off, head west, and release a rocket at around 35,000 feet, which would put satellites high above the earth. Virgin says it charges $12 million per launch. Sheesh.
Would I go to Cornwall, or would I just watch it online? I chose the latter, because I have to be in Stornoway to pen a column for The P&J.
— UK Space Agency (@spacegovuk) January 10, 2023
Rather than freezing my rocket boosters off by a Cornwall runway, I chose instead to watch it on YouTube, coffee in hand. Sadly, it was dull and confusing. We couldn’t see very much at all.
At last, we watchers had anchor people trying to get “experts” to tell us what was happening. Actually, nothing happened. It failed. There was an “anomaly”, they said.
Will they try again? Yesterday, I woke up with Elton John’s song Rocket Man stuck in my head. I think it’s gonna be a long, long time…
Police Scotland missed the Point
Mistakes are good news, because they make us laugh – and cry.
Point, on the east side of Lewis, is a cluster of villages out on a limb, geographically speaking. It’s a peninsula with just one road to it and sea on both sides. The strip of land on one side means it is not an actual causeway, but you get the general idea.
Just one road. To go there – and to come back. Or, if you live in Point, it’s one road to dash to town for milk – and then to dash back. Just one road to An Rudha. That’s the Gaelic for Point, and Rudhachs are residents of Point.
The silly online warning then quietly disappeared and was eventually replaced
On Sunday, it was blowing a right hooley. Gales whipped up the sea at the Braighe Road to Point in the morning, so it was closed to prevent motorists getting pummelled by rocks, seaweed, or even the occasional angry lobster.
Someone at Police Scotland then chose a graphic to advise island road users of the closure on social media. The numpty picked one saying that the A866 at Braighe Road was closed due to weather. And… wait for it… they added: “The public are advised to avoid the area and choose an alternative route.”
What? How can Rudhachs choose an alternative route to get to home on a peninsula? The silly online warning then quietly disappeared and was eventually replaced by one advising that the road had reopened. Hey, that’s good news.
Not, however, before a lot of us had copied that earlier wonky warning and reposted it alongside images of jet skis, hovercraft, paragliders, and other fanciful ways to travel to Point.
That stretch of road is often a rat run, with many drivers having been caught speeding there. Some try to come up with weird excuses.
One driver a few years ago was stopped and the cop said: “Why are you driving like that, sir?” The driver replied: “Sorry, I’m English. I don’t understand your Gaelic road signs and speed limits here.”
The officer replied: “Oi oi. Wasn’t your speed, mate. It’s the rong soid of the roade ye was droivin down, innit?”
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
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