Today I’m launching a campaign. It’s called Better Dial Dad.
It’s prompted by a pattern of behaviour I have observed ever since I have had children, and the pattern is as follows: when an issue arises regarding my child, the school always calls me – his mum – and not his dad.
It started at primary school, in Glasgow. My partner was on adoption leave whilst I was working full time. My job was very demanding and could take me all over the country, so it made sense to make sure my partner was the primary contact for all our children’s clubs and schools. Indeed, our council had invested in this arrangement by providing a small allowance to enable him to take extended time off work, making sure he was on-hand to provide constant support and reassurance in the early days of the adoption.
He dropped off the kids and collected them every day, and attended all school meetings. Yet, when the children were sick at school, a strange thing happened: my phone would ring.
It’s only a phone call, but there’s a bigger issue here. If schools always use mum’s number as their first port of call, they are unintentionally perpetuating the glass ceiling.
There is a huge volume of research which shows that unconscious stereotypes about women in the workplace still persist and continue to hold back their careers. But the research which shocked me the most came from studies like one by Cornell University.
This demonstrated that women who mentioned on their CV that they were a member of a school parent council were half as likely to be hired as women or men who did not mention this in their application. Yup, only women are penalised for spending their free time developing leadership and governance skills – because it confirms a commonly-held belief that women will put their families ahead of their careers in a way that men won’t.
When your child’s school phones, you answer the call, whether you are their mum or dad – but, if it’s always mum whose phone rings, then women shoulder a greater childcare burden.
Better Dial Dad – especially if he’s the emergency contact
Now, my youngest son is in secondary school in Moray and we are both back at work, but my partner is still listed as my son’s primary contact since he works much closer to the school. I know he’s the primary contact because I can’t even log into school platforms using my own name. To my surprise, yet again, when there was a minor incident at school recently, my phone rang
I have to admit that I’ve never been in the shoes of the school secretary. It can’t be an easy job to track parents down in an emergency, and it may be that this pattern of behaviour is based on many years of experience. Perhaps they’ve found that mums are simply more likely to pick up the phone?
However, in my experience over the last decade, when I explain that my partner is close by whereas I am an hour away, they are happy to call him instead. So, why call me at all?
Either way, I don’t mean to heap criticism on school staff who are just trying to get a job done. Far from it: I am appealing to them to be the ninjas in my Better Dial Dad campaign.
Make men’s phones ring out across the nation
School staff, you can help women everywhere to level the playing field! Make men’s phones ring out across the nation with child-related trivia for the next few years. Let broken fingers prematurely end their calls with clients, vomiting infants interrupt their board meetings, and behaviour problems spoil their pitches for new business.
Do us all a favour and emphasise with those phone calls that dads have family lives too. The remaining businesswomen in the room will excuse them with a knowing look and continue to work, whilst dads dash to the rescue of their child. The poor lads will just have to work late to catch up, like we have done for decades. Sorry, guys.
What is that you say? Dad isn’t listed as the primary contact? Don’t let that stop you; it’s only what has been going on in reverse for years until now.
I call upon all youth clubs, scout groups and sports clubs to join the movement, too – dial dad first!
Heterosexual couples, you are my army. Make sure dad is listed as the primary contact on all forms. Until workplaces realise that fathers are just as likely to be called to deal with child-related incidents as mothers, women will always be at a disadvantage.
Do this for your daughters, so that they grow up with the same opportunities as the boys, and also for your partners, so they can establish that special bond which is only achieved by collecting a green-faced child and cuddling them while they puke some more. Enjoy.
Eleanor Bradford is a former BBC Scotland health correspondent and now works in communications
Conversation