My head’s mince what with Christmas shopping, Christmas deadlines and Christmas tidying.
It’s like the Elf on the Shelf is running around inside my brain, throwing cornflakes all over the place and breaking stuff.
I raced to parents’ evening on Wednesday, bags and scarves flying behind me, and skidded to halt at the welcome desk like Michael Scott on ice skates in that episode of The Office where Kevin is waiting for an important phone call.
School parents’ evening
I told the helpful fifth-formers who were running the sign-in sheets my child’s name and asked them where I should go.
“What house is she in?” they said.
“Gryffindor,” I said.
For a fraction of a second I looked around for approval – a least she’s not in Slytherin right? – before I realised my mistake.
I got dragged off at that point so I’m still not sure what house she’s actually in.
However I’d like to stress that when I’m not totally frazzled I do know my child does not attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. More’s the pity.
Hotel highlights Harry Potter connections
I’m putting it down to a momentary blip and the all-consuming influence of JK Rowling and her incomparable imagination.
Just look at what’s happening in Glenfinnan, where a hotel is highlighting its Harry Potter connections to attract interest from potential buyers.
The advert for the Prince’s House Hotel, on the market for offers in the region of £500,000, states: “Owner-operated 9-Bedroom Boutique Hotel near to the Harry Potter Railway and Viaduct.”
Rowling must have seen many benefits in writing a bestselling children’s book series but I doubt she thought a property market boost along the West Highland Line would be one of them.
The hotel advert comes weeks after a cottage went up for sale also taking advantage of the connection.
The marketing for Beasdale Station Cottage, near Arisaig, says: “The Jacobite Steam Train, aka the Hogwarts Express, passes its kitchen door four times a day during the summer months.”
It’s up for sale for a guide price of £235,000 and I admit I’m tempted. I also admit that it’s the Harry Potter connection and not just the fact it’s an adorable property in a beautiful part of the world, so that’s some marketing wizardry right there.
Our house has no connection to Harry Potter (unless you count the parents’ evening embarrassment) and so if I ever try to sell it I’ll have to mention its Robert Burns links, his dad’s family being from the Mearns.
Christmas card challenge
On Thursday I tried to solve the Christmas Card Challenge released by GCHQ.
This was partly to reassure myself I’m still the clever clogs I’ve always believed myself to be and partly because I’ve wanted to be a spy since 1979 when I saw Moonraker at the pictures.
I was pretty chuffed when I quickly solved one and a half of the puzzles.
I was less smug when I found out the challenge is for age 11 upwards but on the plus side I know the nation is better off if it doesn’t have me in any strategic defence role.
Toilet troubles at Orkney stone circle
On Orkney they’ve been trying to solve a puzzle of their own – what to do about the lack of loos at the Ring of Brodgar stone circle.
On Tuesday councillors upheld the decision not to fit toilets at the UNESCO World Heritage Site.
One official had warned of “undesirable toileting behaviour” at the site, while councillor Stephen Clack had a more vivid description of the situation.
“While we hold conversations, the poo is piling up and our reputation as a tourist destination is going down,” he said.
Rwanda row for Rishi
Meanwhile not a week goes by that Rishi Sunak doesn’t find himself in deep do-do over the Rwanda policy and other assorted debacles.
His doggedness on this issue is baffling. It’s not easy to stick with something when you don’t know where it’s going and I know this because I’ve only managed to watch two episodes of Succession.
I feel the same about that drama series as I do about the Rwanda policy: I’m not a fan, none of the characters involved have any redeeming features and I’m distracted by the vast amount of cash being constantly splashed about.
Conversation