Two weeks into January and I’ve now failed spectacularly in every one of my New Year’s resolutions.
I should have known better than to aim for anything craft-related because I’m yet to finish a scarf I started knitting for New Year’s Eve – the millennium.
This year “make a quilt” was one resolution but I’ve made no progress on that or with “walk 20,000 steps a day” and for the second week running, it’s all Claudia Winkleman’s fault.
The Traitors is essential viewing
Unable to wait a week for the next episode of The Traitors, I went back and watched all of Series 1 on BBC iPlayer and then moved on to the US version with Alan Cumming, which quite frankly is hilarious.
What accent is he doing? Isn’t he from Aberfeldy? At times he ventured into Jamaican mixed with Geordie before settling on South African.
And as for the outfits, they are fantastic. I am so feeling those mustard yellow socks with matching beret on him but I’m not sure how much the wardrobe department has understood about traditional Scottish dress.
Please understand that I’m not laughing at Alan. I like and admire him too much for that.
No, I’m amused at the thought of US audiences who may have taken notes and tried to order electric blue trouser suits with matching travel rugs to wear on their upcoming trips to the Highlands.
Contestants needed for The Traitors
Having immersed myself in The Traitors for a week, all my other plans went out of the window and I wondered what I’ll do once I’ve watched them all.
Then I saw a story about the programme makers looking for contestants for Series 3. Could I do it? I asked myself. Not with these knees, came the swift reply.
I’d love to do all the detective work and backstabbing but I don’t fancy being buried alive while my rescue depends on a couple of numpties who can’t operate a shovel.
I swear one of them was holding the treasure map upside down.
What train are The Traitors on?
The Traitors is about mystery but the biggest one for me is what train are they on to get to Ardross Castle in Easter Ross?
It’s got lampshades and frilly curtains and everything, that’s not LNER.
And another thing, why do TV shows and films always have people crossing the Glenfinnan Viaduct even if it takes them in completely the wrong direction?
Maybe the train is The Jacobite steam locomotive, nicknamed The Hogwarts Express which has put its ticket prices up weeks after a judge ruled it will have to spend millions to upgrade its doors.
Hundreds of thousands of passengers are attracted to the so-called ‘Hogwarts Express’ every year.
Operator West Coast Railways has said the £7m upgrades would wipe out its profit for a decade but perhaps The Traitors will be the next thing to give the route a tourism boost.
The Traitors borrows a lot from Harry Potter. The US show has a version of Hagrid, except groundskeeper Fergus looks like an escapee from ZZ Top in a Jimmy hat. Plus, invitations to the contestants are delivered by owl.
Owls versus the Post Office
I’m looking into this whole owl postal service after I found out my nearest post office, a counter at the back of a petrol station a mile away, is to shut for seven weeks.
I remember when post offices were bustling halls of wonder, packed all day with people doing all manner of exciting tasks, like sorting out passports to travel to far flung destinations or opening savings accounts for their grandchildren and taking away little red books to show for it.
I don’t recall how exactly we reached this desperate state with local post offices, but come the general election I’ll be looking for anyone with a plan to remedy it.
Politicians including Rishi Sunak, Humza Yousaf and Keir Starmer are currently falling over themselves to look like the good guy in a much bigger story about the Post Office.
ITV drama Mr Bates vs the Post Office has turned the spotlight on to the Horizon scandal in which more than 700 sub-postmasters, including up to 100 in Scotland, were convicted of swindling money due to a flawed IT system.
Who’da thunk it? Watching television does serve a useful purpose after all.
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