When even Nigel Farage says your plan is a joke, you know you are in trouble.
Mr Rule Britannia has rejected Rishi this-is-the-most-dangerous-period-of-recent-history Sunak’s plan to conscript 18-year-olds into the forces, or require them to do charitable community work for a year.
Farage’s opposition is part of a broad church that includes Admiral Alan West, former chief of the naval staff, who deemed the plan “bonkers”; General Richard Dannatt, former chief of the general staff, who said it was “electoral opportunism”; as well as most adults with even a passing knowledge of the average 18-year-old. Average in that their formative years were not spent at Eton, or examining the FTSE 100, or tied to nanny’s apron strings, learning how to polish their Clarks trackfinders.
In all the ridiculous Brexit debates we endured – during which the likes of Jacob Rees-Smogg, MP for the constituency of Victoriana, spoke as if Britain were still an empire in a universe somewhere other than his imagination – it was clear some people were clinging to lifebuoys clearly marked “the past”, while everyone else protested.
Sunak’s conscription plan is similarly divisive. While a few may say: “Damn good thing, what!” the rest of us know teenagers doing what adults tell them went out with Frank Sinatra. Teenagers are no longer that way.
The plan, according to Sunak, will give young people a “shared sense of purpose”. If that means having a chip on their shoulders the size of Everest, he may be right.
“This is a great country,” he proclaims, “but generations of young people have not had the opportunities they deserve and there are forces trying to divide our society in this increasingly uncertain world.” True. And which party has been in power for most of teenagers’ lives?
Sunak’s “clear plan” sounds scarily like the “cunning plans” of Blackadder, but less funny. National service, he claims, “secures our future”. Rishi, cut to the chase here. Just give them a job.
‘Do as I say, not as I do’ sounds like a cheap labour scheme
The scheme would apparently cost £2.5 billion. How many real apprenticeships, vocational courses and university places could that buy? How many opportunities to invest in young people’s talents and lay the foundations of long-term careers?
Home Secretary James Cleverly claims young people are in “a bubble”, which is a bit rich coming from a party that thinks it is anti-libertarian to ban young adults from smoking, but fine to force them into volunteering.
The biggest army of young people in this country is the one with little hope of further education or meaningful employment. What does he want them to do on a Saturday? Go serve the local “community” which offers them zero autonomy or opportunity?
There is nothing worse than the pomposity of tweedy middle-agers telling young people to do what they didn’t do themselves. Where’s Sunak’s history of military conscription? Or Cleverly’s community service? Or Smoggy’s stint “helping local fire, police and NHS services as well as charities tackling loneliness and supporting elderly isolated people in the local care home and hospital”. Check YouTube videos and you will see that teenage Rees-Mogg was too busy phoning his stockbroker.
“Don’t do as I do, do as I say,” my mum used to tell us, but at least she was kidding. (A bit.) Sunak’s “clear plan” sounds like yet another cheap labour scheme. And, like internships, you can bet it will be the kids with connections who get to do interesting community service that leads to a toe in society’s front door.
Sunak says he would be happy for his two daughters to do national service. Well, more fool him. Any teenager of mine would have to step over my dead body to get to the forces.
Forces are hotbeds of misogyny and bullying
The plan might be more understandable if the forces weren’t notorious hotbeds of misogyny and bullying. One study reported that female recruits regard mess and military accommodation as more dangerous than war zones. But, like many institutions – from the Post Office to the churches – the armed forces are self-protective in the face of accusations, turning on victims to avoid acknowledging that the accused exist in their ranks.
Studies in recent years – the latest just earlier this year – have highlighted cultural problems in the armed forces, including both macho bullying of young men and sexual abuse of young women.
Female recruits have told of their humiliation and dismissal when reporting incidents
We have read repeatedly of gang rape, sexual propositioning for promotion or advancement, and trophies to “bag” women in camps or ships. Female recruits have told of their humiliation and dismissal when reporting incidents.
So, what is Sunak thinking? That the current generation of teenagers, who have experienced record levels of sexual misconduct in secondary schools, whose teachers have had to attend training sessions to combat the Andrew Tate and incel movements, who are part of a generation that has experienced cyberbullying from an early age need… what? A stint in the army?
Oh, Nigel Farage, it’s a joke all right. Just not a funny one.
Catherine Deveney is an award-winning investigative journalist, novelist and television presenter
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