What’s going on? Many of our island summer events are being postponed or cancelled outright for fascinating reasons.
Such a ton of work and time goes into putting on annual galas, agricultural shows, cattle shows and fun days that it is a big shock to many people when they have to pull the plug.
Besides, these wonderful events bring communities together to focus on projects that give not just youngsters but a lot of old codgers a great day out.
Such events should be recognised by governments, local authorities and health services alike for the good they do.
Another great event, the Lewis Highland Games, which has since disappeared, was in full swing and it was such a social occasion.
I don’t just mean the beer tent, although that too was a way to meet people you hadn’t seen for yonks.
A spouse might not allow the other half to go pubbing, but have no objection to letting them go to the tent.
I let Mrs X in once. I finally found her and some old school pals hours later, in a huddle with some caber tossers.
She slurred: “Go away. We are shpeaking about old timesh. We jusht had two shpritzersh, honesht. Thatsh Hamish. He tossed his caber further than anyone elsh today, hic.”
I always loved the Uig Gala Day
I‘ve always loved the Uig Gala Day, on the machair at Reef, now cancelled.
So no raging disputes this year about which blackface came first in the sheep race.
The Uig committee blames concerns about volunteer numbers, increasing bureaucracy and the financial climate.
The financial climate? What about the climate climate? It’s so cold, it’s difficult to sleep.
I’m lucky, because I have a hot wife. Sorry, I meant hot water bottle. The autocorrect on this goes barmy in cold weather.
One year at Uig, community champion Charlie Nicolson conspired for me to be kidnapped and slammed in the stocks. Instead of taking my planned helicopter ride with my daughter, who was about 10, I spent a couple of hours being pummelled with wet sponges and goodness knows what else.
Daughter Vicki was furious at my treatment. Afterwards, she offered to go and kick Mr Nicolson’s shins while he was still on the tannoy. I should have let her. You owe me, Charlie.
I hope Ness Gala Day will survive
Meanwhile, I hope the Ness Gala Day will survive after being moved back to August 10.
Imminent gales last year caused it to be postponed. The Bernera Fun Day on August 3 on Bosta Beach, with its spectacular tug-of-war on the sands, has gone for a burton too as they were concerned about the number of volunteers they had.
Hopefully, the agricultural shows at Carloway and South Harris should still go ahead.
Good for the Point Show for organising a crowdfunding effort to raise the £2,000 they need. Oh look, it’s only raised £345 so far. The locals there, the Rudhachs, are famously tight. Get your cards out and boost that kitty, you penny-pinching Point people. Just do it.
And, as for you lot at Western Isles Council, don’t do it. Don’t switch off the islands’ street lights at 10pm instead of 11pm, as you threaten to.
Are you lot vampires, afraid of the light? You need to get onto the Scottish Government to get you extra spondulicks. In the less-posh rural areas, where few councillors abide, the good old lamppost is not a luxury, but a necessity in the bleak midwinter.
Apologies to William S who would have picked up his quill were he here.
But, soft, what light from yonder lamppost breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair councillor, and kill the envious gloom,
Or are you already sick and pale with grief?
Talking of vampires and lampposts, I heard that three of these suckers met up one dark night recently at Garynahine, on the west of Lewis.
They bragged to each other about their strength and power. The first vampire said: “Look at my skill”, and he shot off. He came back with his lips covered in blood and says: “See that wee village Lochganvich over there? I have sucked dry all of the villagers’ blood.”
The second vampire was impressed but decided to do better. Whoosh! Off he went in the other direction.
He returned, his mouth and chin covered in blood and said: “See that bigger village called Callanish over there? I’ve sucked all these people’s blood down to the last drop.”
The last vampire also wanted to show off his skill. He shot off at the speed of light. He quickly returned, his entire face covered in blood.
The first two vampires were in awe. The last vampire said: “See that lamppost over there?”
The first two vampires eagerly nodded. The last vampire said: “Well, I didn’t.”
Iain Maciver is a former broadcaster and news reporter from the Outer Hebrides
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