Another jab soon and a couple of weeks after that I should be 90% protected from that awful wee virus that has crippled the world, if the spiel from the NHS, the WHO, the BOJO, and the LSO is correct.
My first vaccine dose didn’t bring on severe after-effects so I am quite hopeful about my next puncturing. If you suffer side effects, I do sympathise – not with you but whoever you live with. Her armful of AstraZeneca made Mrs X really grumpy. ‘Twas I that suffered.
How on earth did we get through the past year and a bit? In this house, we don’t do jigsaws or star jumps with Mr Motivator – well, not since he did them on breakfast telly in the 1980s. Catch up TV and the occasional dram helped divert my thoughts of the helplessness of our situations. Then when we were really down, the other surefire trick was raiding the kitchen cupboard.
There it was – a tin of custard. Ambrosia or Bird’s, it didn’t matter. Prise it open, stir in a pan inhaling the sunny aromas as it heats and the world will seem a better place very quickly. Try it. If you only have custard powder you add to hot milk, fine. Next best thing. However, if you really want the proper taste sensation, make it from scratch. Easy-peasy. Flour (preferably cornflour if you can find it), caster sugar, egg yolks and milk. The secret ingredient is vanilla extract. Yumdrops.
With ice cream or without. With sticky toffee pudding or without. With custard creams or without. Oh, is that just me? Sorry. Custard will pick you up better than any medicine. It should be on the NHS. “Hello, Mr Chemist, may I have dandruff shampoo, toenail clippers, and another month’s supply of custard ingredients? Oh, and cancel the Pro Plus, the tonic, the essential oils and the Red Bull because I’m already feeling wonderful. Bye, lovely people. The happy one is leaving now.”
Just to be clear, I haven’t actually announced it like that in Boots myself. That was all going on in my head, though.
Prohibition is a sign of failure
Yon primary school pupils in Rhynie signed a petition against the outrageous ban on custard and ice cream. I’d sign it. It seems to be because custard has more calories than other boring offerings. But the substituted brownies, muffins, gingerbread, and cookies are going to be atrociously poor replacements. There’s still a place for some of them and apple chunks and bananas, and that is on a dish smothered in deep custard.
Prohibition is a sign of failure. As outspoken former Mexican president Vicente Fox used to tell anyone who would listen: “Prohibition didn’t work in the Garden of Eden because Adam ate the apple.”
I’m not saying parents will now bulk buy Bird’s but I wouldn’t blame them.
What custard loses in health points by being higher calorie, it more than makes up for as a boost to our wee darlings’ mental health. That is simple to understand
Custard should be elevated to be a grand treat for educational achievement, birthdays and just before holidays and long weekends, which is fairly regular anyway. Politeness and good behaviour should be rewarded with the dessert of gold, canaries, grapefruit and the middle traffic light – well, almost.
Kids have already had it tough enough
Deputy First Minister John Swinney has pushed this new supposedly healthy eating guidance. If ever someone needed a pick-me-up, it’s him. Write to him. Cheer him up. Tell him what you think.
Kids have had it tough recently. John Swinney and Aberdeenshire Council’s obsession with banning this and that shows some of them are having problems too. They are having it so tough, they can’t see the big picture. What custard loses in health points by being higher calorie, it more than makes up for as a boost to our wee darlings’ mental health. That is simple to understand. Had you thought of that Aberdeenshire Council? No, I thought not.
Before banning anything, rule makers should experience it themselves. If every education department official and councillor on the education committee did a proper investigation by eating custard themselves at least once a week for a month, they would be able to make a balanced decision. They could even become better people. Imagine that.
All this talk of the golden dessert of smart people made me hungry. I have been to the kitchen cupboard again. No tins left and the packet of custard powder is well past its expiry date. Ugh, that was very off-pudding.