Die Hard is not a Christmas film. End of discussion.
It is an action film set at Christmas and that’s it. It is, of course, an excellent action film, but there’s no joyous uplifting, feel-good Christmassy sentiment here. Unless Hans Gruber falling off a skyscraper makes you feel warm and fuzzy.
It has always puzzled me why people insist on counting Die Hard as a festive film when there are so many other really good ones to choose from and there have been almost since the movie industry first cranked up a hand-turned camera.
As far back as 1898 and Santa Claus, regarded as the first Christmas film, moviemakers have been churning them out… and we’ve been watching them ever since, seeing as how they are all repeated every December.
Now, you get old curmudgeons who will argue: “Aye, they don’t make them like they used to.”
Amp up the magic
Which must make me an old curmudgeon because my favourite yuletide films all come from the 1940s. Probably because I have fond memories of lying on the floor in front of the coal fire watching them on our old black and white telly as a kid. They just seemed to amp up the magic of that time of year.
You can see why It’s A Wonderful Life keeps topping lists of best Christmas films. Funny, clever, a mix of fantasy and schmaltz, Frank Kapra’s masterpiece is as much an ode to small town American values as the Christmas season.
See also, Miracle On 34th Street (the original with Edmund Gwenn, not the hideous remake with Richard Attenborough). The bit where Kris Kringle starts talking Dutch to a little refugee girl is guaranteed to make your living room feel a bit dusty. And all those letters to Santa pouring into a New York court is movie magic.
Now, this being the golden age of Hollywood musicals, Christmas was bound to be an all-singing, all dancing affair. Holiday Inn, the film that sparked a hotel chain, also gave the world Irving Berlin’s White Christmas. Which in turn gave the world the film White Christmas, based on the song and itself a loose remake of Holiday Inn. I think we’re getting a bit meta here.
Throne of lies
And who could forget Meet Me In St Louis? Okay, strictly speaking not a Christmas film, but about 25 minutes of it are set around the festive season and it has Judy Garland singing Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, so it has to count. Die Hard could do if only John McClane had sung Jingle Bells.
Now, don’t think that all of my festive faves are getting on for 80 years old… some of them are a bit more recent than that. I mean, I have Christmas jumpers older than Elf.
The first time I sat down to watch it, I reached for the remote… “this is worse than Santa Claus The Movie” I thought. But I stuck with it and was gradually won over by Will Ferrell’s over-the-top-and-far-away performance. “You sit on a throne of lies,” still makes me laugh.
Of course, the quintessential Christmas film has to be A Christmas Carol. There have been many iterations over the years. And the best one? We can thank the Muppets for that.
Dickens’ dark edge
No, seriously, The Muppet’s Christmas Carol is brilliant fun and Michael Caine is an excellent Scrooge (but not the definitive one, that’s Alastair Sim). But it’s just a joyous, silly romp with enough of Dickens’ dark edge – and glorious words – in there to make it the complete package.
And then there’s Love Actually. To be honest I hated this ludicrous confection when I first saw it. Life as seen through the prism of London metropolitans. However, over the years it has softened my heart, like some sort of Christmas miracle. So much so that I was actually the one who suggested to my other half we should settle on the couch and revisit Hugh Grant and the crew with a bottle of wine to celebrate the annual battle to get the tree up.
Now, in among all the golden Christmas films there are some absolute howlers. The aforementioned Santa Claus The Movie is well-entrenched on the naughty list. See also Jingle All The Way.
Home Alone just scrapes in as watchable, but by the time Home Alone 2 arrived, Macaulay Culkin’s precocious kid shtick was about as appealing as third day turkey leftovers.
Christmas is, of course, all about giving. So allow me to give you the gift of the best Christmas film of all time… The Bishop’s Wife.
True Christmas classic
The who’s what, now, you might ask. Okay so I’ve dipped back into the 1940s for this one.
David Niven is the bishop in New York praying for a miracle to raise enough money to build a cathedral. Cary Grant is the angel (go with me here) who arrives to answer that prayer. Lorretta Young is said bishop’s wife, who the angel starts to fall for.
It’s the sort of script only Hollywood could pull off at that time, clever, inventive, playful and full of magical moments that delight you on every re-watch, with memorable lines delivered as only Cary Grant could. A true Christmas classic.
And at no point does an international criminal mastermind fall off a skyscraper.