Billy Connolly may have retired from stand-up comedy after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease but the Big Yin still has a wealth of stories from his incident-packed life.
These include banjoing a heckler in Dundee, attending a music camp in Aberdeen that led to him falling in love with rock ‘n’ roll, working with Gerry Rafferty in The Humblebums, wowing Michael Parkinson with a risqué joke and going out on the town with The Who’s late drummer Keith Moon.
He may be a little more frail these days, after selling his Aberdeenshire home and relocating to the United States with his wife Pamela Stephenson.
But he remains as windswept and interesting as ever and, this week, a new series highlights some of the best anecdotes from his life and times.
The programme Billy Connolly Does… will be shown in seven parts and probably – no, make that definitely – isn’t for the easily offended.
However, those who love him reminiscing about how he lost his virginity in Arbroath and was picked up by the police after “suspicious activity” in Aberdeen will have a field day with this master raconteur.
The first programme focuses on the theme of bad behaviour and reveals the exchange that took place between Connolly and his acting compatriot Alan Cumming when they were involved in an awards ceremony in the States.
He recalled: “Well, I did a gig in Hollywood. It was for Bafta, the British Academy. And I was presenting Britannia Awards to Americans who’d been in British movies. And it was a nice night, and everything went rather well.
“The following year, they got Alan Cumming to do it, so I had to show up and hand over to him, that’s the way they do it.
“And I’d always been dying to meet him, anyway, because I think he is amazing.
So I pulled the window down, and I was signing, mostly on money. Five pound notes, tens, twenties. ‘Cause working men seldom carry autograph books.”
Billy Connolly on meeting some football fans
“Plus, he comes from Carnoustie, on the east coast of Scotland, and I had a holiday there when I was 10, and I was dying to tell him.
“Not only that, Carnoustie is very close to Arbroath and I lost my virginity in Arbroath, and I was dying to tell him that as well.
“So I met him, and we go: ‘How are you doing? I love your work, da-da-da-da-da, I believe that you come from Carnoustie?’
“He said: ‘Yeah’. I said: ‘Well, I had a holiday there when I was 10, I had a lovely time’.
He replied: ‘That’s nice.’ Then I said: ‘And I lost my virginity in a tent in Arbroath’. And his answer will go to my grave with me.
“He said: ‘I passed my driving test there.’ I said: ‘I think I won.'”
He had a rather more fraught encounter with the constabulary in Aberdeen when he decided to drive into the city in search of some cigars and parked on a double-yellow line just as scores of Dons fans were making their way to Pittodrie for their regular fix of Saturday football.
Naively thinking he wouldn’t be recognised, he was sitting happily in the car, when one fan, then another and another noticed the Big Yin was in their midst.
And suddenly, he was swamped by a crowd in the city centre.
He recalled: “I wanted to get out and go to the cigar store. But my car was completely surrounded by Aberdeen supporters on the way to their match.
“They had spotted me and wanted autographs, about 50 or 60 guys.
“So I pulled the window down, and I was signing, mostly on money. Five pound notes, tens, twenties. ‘Cause working men seldom carry autograph books.
“Signing, signing, signing, signing, signing.
“Eventually, they all disappeared, and I went to get my cigar. Now, the cigar store was just a little kiosk. Against the wall of House of Fraser in Market Square. It isn’t there anymore.
“And I went back to my car, and I took off. I was going up Union Street and I just got to the Queen Victoria Statue, and I heard the siren: I looked in the mirror and there is a police car behind me.
“And then, he said: ‘Will the driver of the red Range Rover pull into the first street on the left?’ So I drove into this wee street, and I stopped, and thought: ‘I know what I’ll do: I’ll leap out like a gazelle.’ Just to show them how sober I am. And that’s what I did, but I met a policeman standing there.
“We went back to the squad car, and they sat me in the back between two cops.
“Eventually this woman’s voice came on the radio, saying: ‘Have you got the driver of the Range Rover.’
“He said: ‘We have, indeed. And it might surprise you to know it’s Billy Connolly’. There was a wee confab on the other end of the line. Then, she said: ‘Billy Connolly, the comedian.’
“I said: ‘O-o-oh, I know what this is about. It’s because I parked behind that security van. Look, I’m really sorry, it was a stupid thing to do and I won’t be doing that again, I’m sorry’.
“She said: “No, it’s not about… well you shouldn’t have done that. But it’s not about that. Were you parked in Market Square?’
“I replied: ‘I have no idea. I was parked next to the cigar shop at the House of Fraser. I was buying a cigar, just buying a cigar’.
“But then, she asked: ‘Weren’t you talking to some people?’ I said: ‘Oh, yeah, I was doing autographs for some Aberdeen supporters’.
“She said: ‘What were you signing these autographs on, Mr Connolly?’ I replied: ‘Money. Fives, tens, twenties. Can you tell me what this is about?’
“She answered: ‘Well, I’m sure I can tell you, I’m sure that you’re completely innocent here. We were watching you on closed-circuit television.’
“’And you happened to be talking to three of the biggest drug dealers in Aberdeen. And all we could see was money changing hands.’
“And I said: ‘Well, you can search my car, I’ve got nothing to do with drugs’.
“She said: ‘I understand, that’s fine, you can go on your way, Mr Connolly. And I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to anybody.
“I told her: ‘My lips are sealed’.”
There’s an infinite variety of material in the new series, which starts on Thursday on Gold at 9pm, and Connolly still retains the gift of the gab.
As he approaches his 80th birthday later this year, it’s good to see him in such rude health as he intertwines new interviews from his American base with travelogue and archive performances going back 50 years.
The laughs never stop in the opening show.
This is a man with a funny bone to rival the best!
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Billy Connolly in Dundee: When the Big Yin belted a heckler with his banjo at city gig
Were you at the Arbroath folk club where Billy Connolly and Gerry Rafferty performed for £28?