Former Aberdeen centre-back Jerel Ifil has forged a new career trying to save youngsters from social exclusion – and is now releasing his own poetry.
Ifil has been posting recorded performances of poems including Last Breath, Shut Your Mouth and Machine Gun Living across social media platforms under the moniker Faded Reflections – with more than 3,000 followers on TikTok.
The 42-year-old has been writing poetry privately “for years”.
On his reasons for starting to put his work into the public domain, retired footballer Ifil told The Press and Journal: “I became a Christian just before I got to Aberdeen (in 2009) – probably about two years (before was when) I got baptised and stuff like that.
“And obviously then you start to look at the world in a different way, as to the expectations from yourself and the expectations of people around you as well.
“I just started writing about it, and just different experiences of what I was seeing throughout my football career, personal life, professional life.
“Then a lot of people said to me: ‘Why don’t I just release it?’
“I was a bit nervous, because that’s not really my thing to be speaking out on what we consider sensitive subjects.”
The first poem Ifil released “publicly” was his testimony on how he came to Christianity, which was put on his church’s noticeboard.
On the inspiration behind the poems he writes now, Ifil said: “It’s just life in general. When I watch things – and things disappoint me, or things make me happy – I write about it.
“Sometimes I’ll be in church writing a poem because what the person is saying to me about the biblical aspects of that sermon… and something’s come to me.
“Other times I’ll just be sitting at home, and I’ve had a day where I’ve seen something, then I write about it.
“The poem called Shut Your Mouth – that was about guys that I used to see who would disrespect their families.
“The one that I talk about Superficial Vibes is about the superficial clouding the true meaning of life.
“So it’s all to do with helping people to hopefully, through poetry, see there’s more to life than just what we see, and that we also have a bigger purpose for ourselves.”
Ifil’s next goal is to “get brave enough” to perform in person at open mic events.
But there is also a bigger picture to the ex-defender’s poetry – as it is only one facet of a post-professional sports career inspiring young people.
Ifil’s youth mentoring company work with 120 children
Swindon-based Ifil is a co-founder of IProvefit, and part of a 20-strong team who mentor around 120 children who are vulnerable and/or from challenging backgrounds – including those on the autistic spectrum.
They do this at both their headquarters and also remotely in more rural parts of Wiltshire, helping the kids “become more disciplined and focused through a positive understanding of themselves and the role they play in society”.
Ifil – who, despite being from “one of the worst areas” of London himself, “broke a lot of barriers” to forge his career in football – explained: “We work with children that are at risk of exclusion or children that have broken homes – it can be anything, traumatised backgrounds, many different things. Some could be close to a diagnosis and maybe their (bad) behaviour is coming before the diagnosis.
“After about 10 years of kind of working in the community, we’ve now managed to rent out a big space, about five-and-a-half thousand square feet, and we’ve created a kind of leisure centre. It’s an ‘alternative provision’.
“What we have in there is a multi-sports area where children can play football, basketball, badminton and all that. Then we have loads of gym equipment, cardio equipment – so it’s exposing children to fitness and well-being.
“We have a games area, we have a sensory zone for children that have neurodiverse needs, and then we have classrooms upstairs, where we do our catch-ups – we don’t really do teaching, but we catch up with the kids and ask them about their day and their week, and the targets that we’ve set them.
“We just work on helping them to value themselves. That’s the most important part, is to value yourself, so that you can then go and do better for yourself.”
Ifil started down the route to youth mentoring while still playing football semi-professionally, explaining: “My business partner Danny Greenfield is a good friend of mine.
“As I was coming to the end of my career – I was about 32, so about three years after I left Aberdeen – he was like: ‘Oh I think you’d do good coming into the thing I’m just about to start. Come and shadow me and see what you think.’
“I went and interacted with a few of the kids.
“There’s a difference between children that have a passion and a talent which can be harnessed, and children that don’t know what their talent and passion is yet – I felt I could do more good in that (second) area.”
‘If I watch a football match, I’m always thinking: ‘What could I be doing in this time?”
With a psychology degree already, Ifil is studying to become a registered service manager for supported living accommodation.
The qualification will allow Iprovefit to also provide their own houses for youngsters in an “everything under one roof service”, while Ifil also has an online self-help course currently in the works, also named “Faded Reflections”, so he can help even more people – with his poems set to feature at heart of it.
Ifil said: “The reason why I call it that is because I think we all look at ourselves in the mirror, and we don’t see the full version of ourselves – we’re always criticising ourselves.”
There is no longer much room for football in Ifil’s life, given all of his commitments, including being a husband to wife Lorraine, and a father-of-two to son Christian, 20, and daughter Fayth, 17 – who landed a leading role in Live Aid musical One Day on its North American debut in Toronto, Canada (“Funnily enough, her first ever teacher in dancing was a lady called Moira (Wilson) in Aberdeen,” Ifil recalled).
Despite being from a “footballing family”, and with two brothers who spent time at Tottenham and Arsenal, Ifil said: “If I watch a football match and I’m sitting there for 90 minutes, I’m always thinking: ‘What could I be doing in this time?’
“I can’t even play football now – I’ve got arthritis in my hips. That’s the by-product of me playing football since I was 15.”
Aberdeen debut: ‘Wow this is a step up’
Ifil came through the ranks at Watford, and was Swindon Town’s longest-serving player – affectionately known as “The Beast” for his stature, aggression and zeal for defending – when he moved to Mark McGhee’s Aberdeen on a two-year deal in 2009.
The Dons fans were reeling from seeing their team destroyed 8-1 by Czech outfit Sigma Olomouc in Europa League qualifying during club legend McGhee’s first two matches in charge and the Reds badly needed defensive reinforcements.
Ifil, then 27, had latterly been battling for his position at Swindon.
He decided to take the opportunity to move to Scottish football with Aberdeen – having impressed while turning out for the Dons on trial during ex-Pittodrie striker Dean Windass’ Hull City testimonial.
Aberdeen’s league campaign opened at Pittodrie against Celtic the following weekend, and Ifil admits it was a “baptism of fire” as the new signing lined up alongside Zander Diamond at centre-half.
He said: “I had no idea how the team plays.
“One week I was on trial, the next week I’m starting the season for Aberdeen. And then let’s just go straight for one of the best teams in the league.
“It was a shock to the system. I was like: ‘Wow… this is a step up.'”
‘We had actually had a really good record up to Christmas’
Aberdeen lost 3-1 – however, the SPL campaign for McGhee’s Dons ticked along nicely until December.
“Zander was injured. So it was Andy Considine and me, and we had a really, really good partnership,” Ifil said. “I enjoyed playing with him, Charlie Mulgrew and Richard Foster – that was the back four.
“We actually had a really good defensive record up until about Christmas time, one of the best defensive records in the league.
“It was a lot of wins and draws and a lot of clean sheets – I think we had the second-highest clean sheets.
“But it just changed a little bit when they (the coaching staff) started to tinker with the team. Things just started to not be as cohesive.”
Red for Georgios Samaras kick-out was result of ‘weirdest’ 3-6-1 formation
In early-December, there was a chastening 3-0 loss to Celtic at Parkhead, where Ifil was dismissed for a kick-out on Greek forward Georgios Samaras.
Ifil recalled: “We changed to one of the weirdest formations I’ve ever seen in my life – it was a 3-6-1.
“And to play a 3-6-1 at Celtic, against a team that know how to attack, there was a lot of space being exposed… It was just frustrating.
“Andy’s playing on the left, I’m playing on the right, and then Maurice Ross ended up playing centre as a sweeper.
“We were literally just putting out fires every minute, doing last-ditch tackles.
“I was playing the game just angry, like: ‘Why am I in this position? I’m so tired. All I’m doing is sprinting. I’m quick and I’m fit, but this is taking the mick.’
“Then obviously, I went up for a header with Samaras and he elbowed me in the head.
“As I was landing, I just kicked out.”
Able to laugh about it now, Ifil added: “I thought I got away with it and no one saw it, so I was quite happy.
“And then I saw the lino waving his flag, and I was like: ‘Oh, crap.’
Ifil was told he was ‘liability’ for Mark McGhee’s Aberdeen
In the second part of Ifil’s first Aberdeen campaign, McGhee’s side – as the former stopper referenced – continued to struggle, with just three victories from late-January seeing them slip into a relegation battle, but eventually finishing ninth.
Ifil had, however, racked up 31 appearances (29 starts).
Despite opening the next season with two wins in the league and a League Cup victory at Alloa, Ifil’s second term turned “difficult” for McGhee’s Aberdeen and the player personally.
While 11 losses from 13 matches saw the Reds part with Gothenburg Great McGhee, Ifil – who continued to start pretty regularly during the first half of this follow-up campaign, conceding a penalty in a painful 3-2 Pittodrie loss to Rangers from 2-0 up – revealed: “I found out they were trying to get rid of me in the off-season.
“It wasn’t discussed with me. It finally slipped out by accident, and I realised: ‘OK, maybe I don’t belong here now, and I’m being used – rather than being appreciated and valued.’
“I started that season, but I was told I was a ‘liability’ (by the club)… and yet I’m starting, you put me ahead of all the other centre-backs that’s there.
“I couldn’t understand it and it just put me on edge – I was just like: ‘Why start me if I’m this bad?'”
Celtic 9-0 and Aberdeen exit
One game Ifil was confined to the bench for was the nadir of McGhee’s 18-month tenure – the club-record 9-0 defeat away at Celtic on November 6, 2010.
Ifil said: “It was horrible. It’s embarrassing to be part of something like that. Although I didn’t play, it was a dark moment for the squad.”
When the late Craig Brown was chosen to replace McGhee and steady the Aberdeen ship, Ifil felt it was the right moment for his own Pittodrie departure – a mutual exit he “appreciated” Brown for granting on the final day of the January window.
He said: “I said: ‘You know what, I just want to go back home. I just want to go back to England. I’m tired. I miss my mum, my dad, my wife’s mum and dad.’ I was starting to feel it because I wasn’t playing and it wasn’t going the way I was expecting.
“He was like: ‘I respect that. You’re a good professional, you seem like a good man. I don’t want to do you wrong, so if you want to go, we’ll pay up your contract.”
Ifil had ‘love-hate’ time in football
After Aberdeen, Ifil had a short stint at Bristol Rovers, during a period where they dropped out of the English Football League.
He was also at Kettering Town when the non-league club hit the administration skids, before further semi-pro spells at Sutton United, Boreham Wood and Staines Town, and finishing up playing in the seventh and eighth-tier down south with Swindon Supermarine.
While Ifil describes his player of the year/promotion season with Swindon in 2006/07 as “great” and a time where he learned “everything that creates success”, overall he thinks he had a “love-hate” time in the football industry.
He said: “I retired early – because I didn’t feel I was valued enough for long enough within it.
“When I played well, it was great.
“If I didn’t play well, it was literally like I was out of the team like a piece of rubbish.
“And I just felt I couldn’t deal with that aspect of it – I want to control my own destiny rather than begging for my place in the team.”
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